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Woman in satin slip with no rings

When Do You Sell Your Wedding Ring? And How?

Frustrated … or ecstatically done? Maybe you are strapped and desperate for cash? No matter the scenario, you are in good company if you are wondering, “When …how …. where do I sell my wedding ring?”

There might be an urgency to your question. You are probably yearning to put the past behind you … TO MOVE ON. Or, and let’s tell it as it is, there’s often the practical real–life necessity of “Let me get some value from that *#[email protected]!*& thing!” All these feelings and needs we know well both as divorce coaches and women who have been right where you are. But it is your needs and feelings that must be genuinely considered … if you are really, truly interested in the right answer.

Are you interested in the right answer? When do you sell your wedding ring?

Then hold on before you start fantasizing about the how, where, and how much you will get for it, because it’s worth taking you through the paces that bring you to the question.

Selling Your Wedding Ring: The Emotional Component

First, ask yourself these two questions:

  1. Are you really ready to part with your wedding ring?
  2. Are you really done with your relationship?

If you answered YES without hesitation, then by all means scroll down to “The Practical Steps of Selling Your Wedding Ring.” If you paused, then keep reading. Your wedding ring is of course, a symbol of your union or what your union was. It represents (and possibly, might still) all your hopes and dreams. Your Happily Ever After.

Have you really done everything to save — which means work — on your marriage?

No doubt you’ve done some things. But to make sure, check out our suggestions in 36 Things to Do if You are Thinking about Divorce just to make sure you’re not embarking out of haste or making this enormous life decision from an explosive or depressed place. It’s not easy to divorce, nor should it be. You’ll want to be sure (well, as much as you can be — refer to step number 29 in 36 Things.)

Already Divorced?

You may no longer be married, but still holding on, holding on to that ring, the jingle, the jangle, the pearl necklace, the pin he gave you from your first trip away together. They are all kept safe in that special satin-lined box you keep hidden in your lingerie drawer. You might be feeling guilty, or simply not ready to say goodbye to them. Because on some level it would mean saying goodbye to your dreams. You are in mourning, and Sister, mourning is a complicated thing.

  1. Are you still, or just now starting to come to terms with everything you have lost?
  2. Are you still feeling the pain and trying to understand what’s brought you to being single all over again?

Make no apologies – to yourself or to anyone else! Just understand. This stage of divorce recovery is fraught with people wanting the best for you, wanting you to “get over it,” but not quite understanding you. Indeed, YOU may not be understanding you right now. Allow yourself to be where you are. For if there’s one thing you’ve earned now on the other side of the divorce paperwork, it’s the right to be calling your own shots. If you are not ready to part with your ring, DO NOT. Take a few steps on our divorce recovery stairway and learn what else you can do to heal and begin to live again.

The Practical Steps of Selling Your Wedding Ring

Alright, alright, you say, you don’t want to hear any more about leave-taking or mourning. In fact you skipped those paras because you’ve got bigger fish to fry, like paying off your legal fees, the credit card debt, or taking that longed-for trip to Phuket. You’ve always heard that you could flip your ring … or that “Jewelry is a good investment.” So surely this ring that has kept you lassoed in place this long has got to be worth something? Right?

 

Where do you sell your wedding ring? How much can you get?

First, let’s get clear: it’s likely not your wedding ring that is worth selling so much as it is your engagement ring. But here’s the bracing cold fact behind that: the value of your jewelry, and in particular your engagement ring, is likely not worth what you think it is. Yes, we know. We hate being the bearer of bad news … someone probably paid a lot for it. But the price paid for your ring reflected the design, the brand, the artistry, and time involved in creating it. When you go to resell, buyers are only interested in the value of the stones and metals. Not your ring in toto.

Sigh, if you like. You are safe with us. But then be smart and savvy about trying to get as much for those stones and metal as you can!

Follow these steps to sell your ring

1) Have your ring graded

While we are all for supporting your village tradesman and local economy, if you walk into your local jeweler you are hostage to what s/he says your diamonds and gold are and what they may be worth. The best is to have your ring graded by a GIA or IGI-certified jeweler so you learn and document the real characteristics of the stones and metal before you try to sell. (Note: the proper word is “graded” and not “appraised.” An appraisal is used for insurance purposes only and is not a resell market price.) Learning the true facts about your ring is the first step to understanding its value.

 

2) Decide what is worth your time

Once you know the size, the cut, the color, and the clarity of your diamond, you are better prepared to figure out what is worth your while. Maybe if the stones are not as valuable as you’d hope, you will do nothing or you’ll repurpose them into something you actually like? Or you will sell them to the jeweler or pawnshop that will give you the most for them? If the latter, shop around for the best offer. If your center stone is 1.0 carat (ct.) or more, it’s in your interest to find a legitimate resource for reselling. Go ahead and search the web or use a well-reputed jeweler you know.  You are now a savvy seller looking for the best deal.

 

You may be on the OTHER side of the divorce document, but life after divorce still means finding your way and handling all the practical, logistical, and emotional things that keep landing in your lap. Reach out to SAS for a free consultation on how we can support your prioritizing what comes first, what comes next, and what will foster your most beautiful, next chapter.

 

 

 

Yellow house with picket fence, cat and roses on vines

Should You Keep the House During Divorce?

Should you keep the house during divorce? Well, it’s not just about the house, is it? There is no way you’re letting go of the car, the jewelry, the investments, your pension, your hard-earned income, or the Baccarat crystal goblets either. And you’re pretty adamant your divorce attorney will agree.

Unfortunately, the law and recent statistics are not in synch with you. According to financial studies, divorcing individuals need a more than 30 percent increase in income just to maintain the standard of living they had before the divorce. Divorce is like that. It’s really about loss and opportunity. But the fact is the loss is harder on women.  One in five women fall to poverty as a result of divorce, while men experience a loss of between 10% and 40% to their standard of living. As devastating as those statistics may sound, divorce is not just about the economic leveling. Sometimes your life and the quality of your inner peace is more important than the house with the gourmet kitchen. Divorce could also be an ideal opportunity for you as a couple, and then as an independent woman, to face reality and get out of debt, or to finally sit down and work out a long-term financial plan for your children’s education.

What follows is a practical conversation about whether or not you should keep certain assets in the divorce. How you are going to come to terms emotionally with this division of assets, or how you are going to take steps to protect yourself and rebuild your life is better discussed in a series of coaching sessions or by reading this article about divorce recovery.

Divorce & the Family Home – Pros and Cons of Keeping It

There are a few questions you need to ask yourself where the property is concerned. The first is whether you would be able to keep up with the payments and maintenance of the property on your own and whether you would have enough cash to buy your partner out or qualify for a loan to do that. If this is going to place you under pressure, you may want to consider downscaling a bit in order to still live a comfortable life.

The advantages of keeping the home in divorce include:

  • Continued stability for the children
  • Maintaining an asset that will form part of the estate
  • The frustration of moving is not added to the stress that a divorce brings

The disadvantages of keeping the home in divorce include:

  • Mounting financial pressure due to loans or reduced saving
  • The full cost of the maintenance of the property rests on a single pair of shoulders
  • The possibility that there is no access to funds to buy the other spouse out, which could cause ongoing financial pressure

Until You Decide What to Do

Whether the proceedings are quick and amicable or long and drawn-out, it’s important for both parties to take responsibility for the property and their other financial obligations. Falling behind on mortgage payments following a divorce, could cause serious financial implications. Both parties risk losing their creditworthiness, which means they may not qualify for a mortgage, whether it is for the family home or not.

It is also crucial to maintain other payments, such as credit cards, tuition fees, levies, car payments, and insurances. Failure to maintain payments on these items could have a far-reaching effect on future applications.  At this point, couples may also want to look into making use of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). A CDFA will assess the financial situation to ensure that both parties remain on an equal footing for a long period. This is especially handy where one party earns a lot more than the other, or one of the spouses is unable to enter the job market as they need to raise the children. During the calculation, the analyst will determine whether one spouse’s assets will grow and the other’s will deplete, and adjust their recommended asset split accordingly.

If Neither of You Wants It or Can Afford It

When you’ve made your calculations and neither of you qualifies for finance, or neither of you wishes to remain in the family home, the obvious choice would be to sell it. But what happens when the value of the property is far less than the actual bond with the financial institution? This is what a short sale is, but it really shouldn’t be the first option as it will have a negative rating on the credit scores of the spouses. When their FICO scores are affected, they may have to wait a few years to enter the property market again.

Other Debts and What to Do

Joint accounts and divorces go together like a tracksuit and heels. They don’t. The moment there is a whisper of divorce, it’s important to let the banks and financial institutions know. This is to prevent the spouse from running up the debt and getting out of town. Although a loan may be in both names, both parties are responsible for the repayments in full. If you’re left with the repayments and you’re struggling to keep it under control, you will need to contact the bank to make a payment arrangement.

Sit down with the finances and prioritize payments. List the expenses in order of most important, which would include mortgage or rental payments first, then food and utilities,and finally tuition and insurances. The rest will follow. Try to pay debt off as the items clear instead of running up a bill again, but don’t necessarily close the accounts in case the alimony and child support payments come in late. Only use debt for emergency purposes.

And for those issues that fall off the balance sheet … your emotional needs, concerns, your sense of injustice, not to mention how you will begin to rebuild your life and help your kids get through this, contact SAS. We will help you put a system in place to come to terms with what you’ve lost, but also what you will discover. Take advantage of our free consultation so you begin your healing now.

Jess Walter is a freelance writer and mother. She loves the freedom that comes with freelance life and the additional time it means she gets to spend with her family and pets.

Protesters holding sign that says "Have you no sense of decency sirs?"

SAS Survey: Is the Current Political Climate Impacting Divorce for Women?

Are you feeling it, too? A study published by the American Psychological Association in mid-February (2017) has found that two thirds of all Americans feel anxiety over the future of the country. The analysis, called “Stress in America,” also discovered 57 percent of the nation reported that politics were either somewhat or a very significant source of stress in their lives.

In our work at SAS for Women, a practice dedicated to helping women navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce, we are not surprised. While January, February and March are commonly referred to as the “divorce season” in the family law industry (with the theory being that couples bury their conflict during the holidays and file for divorce in the new year) the start of 2017 feels especially divisive. Since Mr. Trump’s ascent to power, we are hearing more and more about a certain type of stress women are facing, and in particular how it’s playing out beyond and behind the marital chamber’s door.

Our question is how much is this current administration and the daily barrage of headlines proving to be a lightening rod and moving women toward divorce? Is the current political climate impacting divorce overall?

The Survey on Political Climate and Divorce

To learn how much the current political climate is influencing women’s feelings and behavior about divorce we polled the SAS for Women Community — women who are thinking about, or navigating divorce.

Survey showing impact of political Feb 2017 political climate impacting women and divorce

Design: Ashley Nakai

Of the 100 women polled, 53 percent say they are influenced by the political climate. More than a third (35 percent) rate themselves 5 or higher on a scale of 1-10, with 10 representing the primary reason or trigger they are divorcing. 6 percent of the women who participated indicated they were a “10.”

What Women Said:

Many women in the SAS Community did more than simply self-assign a number. They shared comments and thoughts about their dilemmas, circumstances, and outlook for the future:

Answered “3”: “Women’s rights and freedom are in jeopardy as long as Trump is in office and the cabinet and Supreme Court are staffed as they are now. Single mothers are at high risk for poverty, which not only negatively affects them, but also their children. And yet, women must have the option to leave abusive or otherwise unhealthy domestic partnerships without fear of becoming homeless, hungry, etc.”

Answered “9”: “My soon to be ex has always been a Republican and we clashed during presidential elections before (Bush), but he was a Trump supporter and it really pushed me over the edge to the realization that our values and interests were completely different. Upon my announcing I wanted a divorce in October, he immediately became a Hillary supporter and tried to tell me that he agreed with every position I ever had and that I just misunderstood him or didn’t know him. While it was not the primary reason for my seeking a divorce ( I have been unhappy for many years!), it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Answered “1”: “Political factors influence very little of my day to day decisions. My divorce, my children, and my career consume the entirety of my energy. I will not waste limited energy on those things that do not directly benefit my children or my career or me and moving ahead with our lives.”

Answered “7”: “Problems before…but a perceived wider gap in our overall politics (and general direction we are both leaning) has made the possibility of divorce even greater.  I am left shaking my head about who it was I fell in love with 25 years ago and who is in my bed tonight …”

Answered “1”:  “America goes about its business day after day, sometimes good and sometimes bad. I personally take responsibility for my actions and feel that I have the greatest impact on myself and others by owning what is mine, the good and the bad. Politics will always have good and bad realities that will either enhance or detract from our lives and our choices, but that is something we are lucky to have!”

Answered “8”: “The political attack on everything I hold dear and all that constitutes my core values as a human being and a woman recalibrates the tolerance of a husband who is not truly supportive of those values either. I can’t have this President in The White House and be trapped in marriage to someone who is not shook up, too.”

Answered “1”: “Politics have nothing to do with my pending divorce or how my ‘husband’ treats me.”

Answered “8”: “I was just speaking about this to my therapist. I feel so outraged by the misogynistic administration and the misogynistic  culture of the election that preceded this corrupt administration.  I’ve realized that our society is more misogynistic than I had felt and that my husband is not a feminist. It has become clearer to me.”

Answered “2”: “My decision was made way before the current political situation which only strengthens my determination. However, the impact is not that great as the determination was there to begin with.”

Answered “10”: “I am exiting a relationship with a narcissist, after 25 years of believing his spin, his alternative facts, his hostage holding (beholden to keeping kids emotionally safe). It was actually a relief to hear the descriptions of Trump as it clarified the behavior I was looking at but still couldn’t see.”

Conclusion

While 47 percent of the SAS Community self-assigned themselves a “1,” thereby indicating their feelings and actions about divorce are not impacted by the political climate, it is clear that more than half of the women polled claim they are influenced. More than a third of this community feels very much impacted by the current political climate and what it means for them, their families and the future.

What do you think? We would be interested to know — as would our Sister Readers! We invite you to share your comments and thoughts below.

SAS for Women® is uniquely positioned to understand women as they confront the realities of divorce around the world. Our education and coaching services — action and outcome-drive — focus on the healthy approach and appeal to women who are committed to being smart and educated in their decision-making. To learn what is possible for you and your life, schedule your free consultation with SAS by visiting here.

Woman in a suit

Wait, What? Yep, Women Pay Alimony, Too

Is your soon-to-be ex-husband asking for alimony or spousal maintenance?

Actually, you are not alone, women pay alimony, too.  Official and current statistics don’t exist, but in my experience and in an informal survey of attorneys and mediators in my circle, it’s not only happening but in fact, women who will have to pay alimony is on the rise.  I see it in about ten percent of cases, which makes sense, as according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women are now the primary breadwinners in one-third of all marriages.

I find that while men aren’t happy to pay alimony, they aren’t exactly surprised either.  Women are shocked and furious.  Here is a sampling of the reactions I hear to the news:

“His attorney said they would ask for alimony.  Can they DO that?”

“I make more now, but he could make more money if he tried.  He’s just lazy.”

“Why should I pay him money to sit on his a**?!?”

Under what circumstances would you have to pay alimony?

If you make a lot more money than he does, and you’ve been married for more than 10 years, prepare yourself for the possibility that you will be paying him maintenance.  You might have been working harder all through the marriage, but unfortunately that’s not how it works.

What may seem like a horrible injustice is actually just (mostly) math.

In New York state (as with many others), there are guidelines and a formula to follow.  A great tool to use to get a sense of things is to check out this online calculator.

However, that’s just a place to start. The courts do look at other factors when making a decision about support, including:

• the length of the marriage

• each spouse’s age and health status

• each spouse’s present and future earning capacity

• the need of one spouse to incur education or training expenses

• whether the spouse seeking maintenance is able to become self-supporting

• whether caring for children inhibited one spouse’s earning capacity

• equitable distribution of marital property, and

• the contributions that one spouse has made as a homemaker in order to help enhance the other spouse’s earning capacity.

It sounds fair if you aren’t living it.  What is not in the formula?

• If he cheated on you

• If you were a saver and he spent all your money

• If you already feel he’s been sponging off you for years

• If he’s underemployed or worse, unemployed and you still do more of the cooking and cleaning around the house.

Unfortunately, the “fairness” of it all can’t be quantified nor corrected by the courts. In trying to create an equitable system, it turns out that lazy husbands can look to you for alimony or maintenance during separation proceedings. The simple reality is, sometimes women pay alimony too.

What to Do Now

If you are unsure of how your divorce will affect you financially, help is available.

A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) can work with you to project the financial implications of your divorce, while your attorney focuses on the legal issues. Setting a realistic budget and understanding the tax and investment details before your divorce is finalized will allow you to start off on the right foot financially.

Sara Stanich is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) practitioner and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™) based in New York City. She specializes in helping parents understand their options and make informed decisions surrounding the financial aspects of divorce.  Learn more or schedule a free consultation at PowerOverDivorce.com.