I must have said, “There has to be a better way to do this,” about a million times while I was getting divorced. At first, I had no idea where to begin. It seemed obvious that I needed to talk to a lawyer, but since I had never needed a lawyer before, I wasn’t sure how to find one. Let alone one who was good AND one I could afford. Naturally, I googled it. “Divorce lawyer” turned up 1,790,000 hits. Not helpful. So I started asking my friends.
The first lawyer who was recommended to me was a horrible, impatient woman who charged me $395.00 for the consultation. Several consultations and a small fortune later, I found someone I thought I could work with. Now all I had to do was come up with the $5,000.00 retainer. Not unlike in the children’s book, If You Give a Mouse A Cookie, one thing led to another.
Once I found a lawyer, I needed to figure out how to get the money for the retainer. In order to get the money, I needed to find an accountant, and once I had the accountant, trust me, I needed a therapist. But since I had never needed a therapist before, I wasn’t sure how to find one. Let alone one who was good AND one I could afford. Naturally, I googled it. 11,400,000 hits. You see where I’m going with this.
I left an abusive marriage after 13 years. It’s a long story, but regardless of how I arrived at the decision to file for divorce, it was definitely for the best.
I wouldn’t wish a divorce on anyone, but I’m glad I went through it. I am stronger, savvier, and happier than I’ve ever been in my life. It was through the divorce process that I found strength I never knew I had, learned things I had never dreamt of, and became the woman I am proud to say I am today.
Today I am married to a kind, loving, generous man who has taught me that marriage can be a wonderful partnership. I have a vibrant circle of friends and I have happily reconnected with my family. I found the courage to make a big career change and after giving it much thought, decided to use my experience to help other women navigate what can feel like, but doesn’t have to be, a very lonely and confusing journey.
Some experts will tell you that you will be yourself again after a divorce. I disagree. I say you’ll be a better, stronger version of yourself. Something to look forward to.
A cofounder and consultant to SAS for Women, Kimberly is a seasoned educator of 21 years and former administrator for The Spence School. Kim holds a BA in Education from Miami University, a MS in Science Education from Wright State University, and is licensed in Educational Leadership through The Ohio State University. Kim was divorced after 13 years of marriage and now happily remarried, is the mother to a beautiful young boy.
To contact Kim, click here.