What is Divorce Coaching?
As defined by the American Bar Association …
“Divorce coaching is a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate, and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future, based on their particular interests, needs, and concerns.”
A divorce coach is trained to help you answer the questions that are preventing you from moving forward from where you are today.
One of the common things that divorce coaching helps women with is the biggest question, to know when and if you should divorce.
“For years I have been in an unstable marriage, ranging from hesitantly hopeful to downright ugly. I’d thought about leaving so many times but found the vast unknown so nauseatingly scary that I ended up doing nothing and then hating myself for being such a coward.”
~ Avery O.
When you work with a coach, one of the first steps is to look at the immense confusion that you will inevitably feel in two ways: the shock and stress of thinking about divorce, and the experience of being in the divorce process. And the mix of emotions you face after you’ve signed the divorce papers — when you are starting over.
For women, divorce coaching must address this moving sense of overwhelm, which conceals some of our greatest fears … how will we possibly manage financially, and what will happen to our children? How you break the news to your children (who know more than you suspect), and how you navigate the split (with your spouse becoming your co parent) directly impacts your kids — near and long term.
A seasoned coach helps you with the practical, financial, and legal challenges of divorce. It includes all those questions about your budget, the rent, the mortgage, the college funds, the organization of those papers, and your life. It’s an assessment of where you are now and where you want to go. It involves understanding that your ability to weather this experience depends on the support you create for yourself now.
“I was emotionally drained and felt powerless and lost in this crazy process. I needed savvy women …. SAS accompanied me during long conferences with my lawyers. They came with me to court. I knew they had my back 100%.”
~ Nancy C.
There are many divorces that require such an understanding of the law and your legal options that it’s best to build a network, a literal team of people you can discuss every angle of divorce with. Divorce coaches (the good ones) are able to connect you with the right people, financial advisors, lawyers, mediators, accountants, and even accompany you if necessary to those meetings and to court. The truth is, you will likely feel so overwhelmed by the process that you’ll want your coach to act as your stenographer, taking notes.
The divorce process is one thing you start to learn, and the grief, your divorce recovery is another.
What a divorce coach can’t do is guarantee that you won’t have emotional vacillation, or that you won’t have to face things that are frightening, or that you won’t face moments that you never intended to face.
Divorce is stressful. It affects your brain, your body, and your heart. Divorce support is meant to support you across every obstacle, every challenge, every experience. It’s the up and over, “Let’s not just talk about it” approach. It’s what step is today? What step tomorrow? And it’s a soft, safe place to land when it needs to be.
“Liza has been a pillar of support during this period offering exactly the right medicine and advice for the moment: a shoulder to cry on, constructive advice, additional resource referrals, and, in particular, objective coaching to help identify core values that have become the real working tools of healing … There have honestly been many days during this time when I have acknowledged that I felt that I would not have made it through without her. As I now start to see light at the end of the tunnel, I owe a debt of gratitude to her and to her approach which I can only describe as the heart of compassion and understanding.”
What we know for sure is that, while the experience of divorce is felt across every country, every culture, every creed, the most empowering element is choosing to not go it alone, but choosing the right person to hold space for you during this horrific experience. And the right person to help you reboot and create your best life starting now.
Since reaching out to SAS for Women, I feel so much more comfortable about what lies ahead. Liza is practical, logical, and straight forward but never loses sight of the amorphous emotional side of this issue, which plays a huge role. Her warmth and knowledge are so engaging even over the phone lines. Her divorce coaching includes imparting knowledge from someone who’s been there, specific un-intimidating assignments, as well as addressing the feelings that are so deeply entrenched in divorce. She empowers me and celebrates the small victories, never pushing me to move faster than I am ready. At the end of each session she leaves me on a high note, recounting why I should be proud of myself. And then sends a follow up email in the same vein so that I can review for my own information or for a pick me up. My journey is just beginning. And I honestly don’t know where I’m going to land. However, with Liza as my coach I am no longer afraid. The future remains unknown but I know I will not face the tough times alone. And that is priceless.
~ Avery O.
SAS for Women is entirely dedicated to the unique challenges women face when considering a divorce or navigating the divorce experience. You are invited to talk with SAS through a 45-minute, complimentary coaching session. Whether you work further with us or not, you will discover the smartest and most educated next step for you … and your family.