Divorce Care for You and the Women You Love
So, you have come to the conclusion that you need to divorce your spouse. You are in shock that your marriage has come to this, it feels like a death has taken place. Your thoughts and feelings are racing and the practical side of things can seem so hard to manage. It can be chaotic. Divorce is one of the most stressful events a person can ever experience. You need to be aware that at this time divorce care for yourself is a must.
Keep your head and your heart as calm as you can while you work a thousand things out. Remember to look after yourself first, while you look after the kids and other family members who are impacted by the decision. Self-care has never been so important as you step into your unknown new life. Here are some effective ways you can look after yourself while you manage your divorce and recover—and if you have a girlfriend who is going through one, here are some ways you can give her special divorce care, too.
Divorce Care For YOU
Take a break from your routine
Breaking your routine during your divorce process is a good way to look after yourself and could be as easy as taking several 5–10 minute breaks throughout the day, or even taking extended vacation leave to avoid burnout at work. Short mental health breaks are proven to boost mental health. When you have the added divorce work of organizing legal/banking/accommodation/school matters on top of your job, breaking your routine will help. Divorce will change everything so be prepared for new doors to open in your life; a new routine will eventually take shape. Try to conserve your energy and consider how you want to run your new life.
See your friends
Socializing with loved ones helps to reduce stress hormones like cortisol as it releases the “love hormone” oxytocin. Your trusted circle will lift your mental and emotional health and give you strength, love, and courage, rather than you spending too much time alone dwelling on a “failed marriage”. See friends who you know have your back, friends who remind you that you are indeed loveable. They adore you!
Meditate
The medicinal effects and zero expense of meditation are drawing many people to this practice. Meditation improves mental focus, boosts kindness to yourself and others, reduces ruminating thoughts, and interrupts the “fight or flight” response that may be stimulated by the divorce environment. Relax with meditation as you travel through this major life event. It is estimated that between 200 and 500 million people meditate regularly around the world, with the popularity of the practice increasing more than threefold in the US from 2013 to 2018.
Exercise
Good old endorphins, “feel good” chemicals, are released when you exercise. These are natural painkillers and mood enhancers. You will feel better (and look better)—and have less anxiety and stress if you go for a brisk walk, or do the 7-minute workout that you can find on YouTube, jog down the road, cycle at the gym, or do some yoga on a mat in the corner of your room.
Divorce care involves your physical self which is of course linked to your emotional and mental health. too.
Your lawyer can take the lead
A good divorce attorney will support your cause, answer your legal questions, and represent you in any legal proceeding. Don’t try and do it all yourself. It is an emotionally charged time and experts in the law will alleviate the pressure and manage your expectations. Your professionals should understand you need support, be available for your questions, and give you much-needed perspective on what you can and cannot do to advance your situation.
Ask for help
You are not alone. There are approximately 630,505 divorces every year in America. It is not a sign of helplessness or weakness to ask for help from your trusted circle and professionals like therapists, coaches, divorce support groups, or church leaders whose confidential support could supplement your loved ones´ assistance. These groups or professionals can provide you with expertise in the divorce experience and how to practice divorce care for yourself and your family.
Do things that you love
When healing from, or in the process of a divorce, don’t forget to set time aside for activities you love. Whether that involves reading, dancing, watching movies, having a spa treatment, gardening, going out for dinner with friends, hiking, or swimming—reclaim your joy and maybe even discover new interests or hobbies that suit the new you.
What is healing from divorce look like? Read “46 Steps to Ensure Your Divorce Recovery: A Definition and Guide.”
As women are usually socialized to be caregivers, we often put our needs behind the needs of other people. But, the fact is that if you don’t put yourself first, number one, you won’t have the energy and resources to care for your kids and other loved ones. You need to consciously practice divorce for yourself as you face your divorce, and in time, heal from it, so you can be the best person you can be, and live your best life.
Divorce Care for the Women You Love
When a friend opens up to you about the decision to divorce, you may have an important role to play and can offer a loving port in the storm. If you are single, married or divorced yourself, you are the “Fairy God-Sister” to your friend who will need your unconditional love, your open mind, and unstinting support for the serious metamorphosis she is undergoing. Here are three good ways you can support your girlfriend going through a divorce.
Think about food
One thing that busy, preoccupied, and quite possibly distressed divorcing women would appreciate some help with, is the daily need for food for them (and perhaps the kids too). There are a range of options beyond you personally dropping over your cooked meals in Tupperware, such as Sun Basket, EveryPlate, Purple Carrot, Blue Apron and Hungryroot (for vegans). Spoonful of Comfort helps with soup too and there is always Amazon Fresh for pre-ordering grocery deliveries. The love and care of supporting good nutrition is a boost you can give your friend and will go a long way toward her survival and recovery.
Help her hire a lawyer
She needs a good settlement. Parenting agreements and the acquisition of assets are crucial. If you can gift or lend a portion of the legal fees, great, but you can see if a group of friends can pool funds or even set up a GoFundMe campaign—with discretion of course. Help prepare her contact with a divorce attorney. They will help her with a general idea of her entitlements and manage her expectations.
In preparation for her meeting with a lawyer, you might send your friend “Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney at a Consultation”.
Message her
In the maelstrom of formal and informal communication that goes with arranging a divorce, she needs to know someone is thinking about her. Text her to say, “Hi lovely, feel like a coffee today?” Be there for her to express whatever is happening in her heart and mind. Keep your sense of humor, and say, “Are you a total bitch? No, you never have been and never will be! You are the best friend a gal could have and (name of ex) has lost a total gemstone”.
If you want to go deeper with divorce care and support for your friend, check out “How to Help a Friend Through Divorce in 18 Loyal Ways.”
And finally…
Divorce, when and if it happens, will be a different experience for everyone. But one thing for certain is that we need to take good care of ourselves and our friends when facing such a major life change. New legal and financial facts can preoccupy us and really stress us out—remember that self- care is SO important—so that you can keep all the balls in the air (kids, job, parents, mental, emotional, and physical health) and land firmly on your feet. You will absolutely thrive during and after your divorce if you listen to your intuition and take care of you first!
NOTES
Sarah Newton-John is a copy editor and proofreader by trade and someone who also enjoys writing. She is an Australian living in Spain since 2018 with her partner, two dogs, three chooks, and a cat. You can connect with Sarah here: sarahnewtonjohn@hotmail.com.
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*SAS continues to support same-sex and nonbinary marriage. In this article, however, we refer to your spouse as husband/he/him.
