Summer is the Season for Divorcee Dating. What Does This Mean for You?

A study by Custody X Change found that summer is the most popular season for divorcees to start dating again. 

What does this mean for you, where you find yourself, and your specific change of seasons?

Getting back into dating after divorce is often daunting. The Divorcee Dating Study found that many women wait years before getting back into the dating game. Even five years after divorce, a third of divorcees have yet to see someone else. 

Know what you want and how you can meet potential matches to help yourself date comfortably and healthily.

Why summer is so popular for dating

May through August is a popular time for divorcees to start dating, according to the research from co-parenting app Custody X Change.(opens in new tab)

There are many possible reasons for this, including:

• Warm weather: Lots of people are out and about, creating more opportunities to meet new people.

• Vacations: Summer is the most popular season for travel. Divorcees get the chance to meet people outside of their bubble, giving them a change from the norm and more options for dating.

• The kids are away: During summer break, kids often go to camp or stay with their other parent for a few weeks. This gives divorcees with kids more time to socialize and go out on dates.
• Less stress: The longer days and sunshine encourage relaxation. With divorce in the rearview, divorcees have more time and energy to dedicate to dating.

Getting back into dating after divorce

Make sure you’re ready.

It takes time to go through the stages of grief in divorce(opens in new tab). 

Take care that you’re in a secure place emotionally before you re-enter the dating pool. It’s unfair to start something new when you’re still pining for someone else or have trust issues stemming from your past relationship.

The demise of your relationship and your divorce recovery(opens in new tab) may have left you with some emotional scars. Consider talking to a therapist to come up with strategies to let go of the past and move forward, or work with a divorce coach who is trained to help you rebuild your life healthily.

Know what you want

Don’t settle for the first person who gives you a bit of attention. Go for what you want. 

Figuring out what you want or don’t want in a partner takes some of the stress out of dating. Consider the following:

• Are you willing to date someone with children?
• Do you want someone who will talk to you every day, or are you fine with irregular communication?
• What traits would you like in a partner? What traits do you want to avoid?
• Do you want a committed relationship, or are you fine dating around — and letting your dates do the same?
• Do you want support and community for learning about yourself and how to date again(opens in new tab)?

Don’t be afraid to change your preferences as you get more in tune with yourself. It’s good to have preferences, but keep an open mind; just because someone doesn’t tick all the boxes doesn’t mean they can’t make a good mate for you.

Don’t rush into something serious

You may want the security of commitment that you had while married. However, it’s unrealistic to think you’ll find it right away. You’ll limit yourself if you rush into the first potential relationship that comes your way. Plus, you may overwhelm your dating partners with early talk of commitment, or rehashing your past. 

“What you are really looking for after divorce, is yourself. Jumping into a new relationship without doing the work on what you are healing from in that marriage story, what you truly need and value as a woman, is like going sideways, and the biggest missed opportunity.  Without doing the inner work first, the risks are that you will repeat patterns and lose yourself to the thrill of another. This healing stage after divorce is precious. Ladies, you are the THRILL,” urges SAS for Women Founder, Liza Caldwell in “A Woman’s Journey: Rediscovering Yourself After Divorce(opens in new tab) 

Figure out how to meet people

The dating landscape may have changed quite a bit since you dated, especially if you are dating after a gray divorce(opens in new tab).

Putting yourself out there is often the hardest part. Try a variety of ways to meet new people.

• Dating apps
• Community events
• Networking events
• Volunteer opportunities
• Special interest clubs (runner’s club, book club, etc.)
• Travel groups
• Speed dating
• Cafes, bars, and breweries
• Blind dates

Your friends and family members can also help if they know any singles looking to meet someone new.

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Eager to go afield with another woman who gets it?Looking for big and small steps to your adventure?
Check out  “100 Must Do’s for the Newly Divorced, Independent Woman.”(opens in new tab)

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Have fun!

Dating after divorce is intimidating. With the right spirit and a clear vision of what you want — and what you don’t want — dating can be a fun and even, amusing post-divorce exploration.

If dating feels like a chore, or you find yourself getting attached too soon without reciprocation, maybe you aren’t ready to date. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not … or if you have no interest whatsoever in dating. You’ll have your season for dating if you want it eventually. Be kind to yourself.

NOTES

Here at SAS, we know from our women’s work that when a Divorced Woman can step into a new relationship from a conscious, embodied place — self-informed and self-aware — the right relationship becomes inevitable.

Ziva’s Group is an adaptation of the Conscious Dating® framework specifically for women navigating dating after divorce.

For more information schedule the quick info chat by visiting here(opens in new tab).

 

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”