What Exactly is a Cohabitation Definition?

People have called it plenty of things over the years. Playing house. Shacking up. Living in sin. Some of those names were playful. Others came with judgment. But these days, for a lot of couples, it’s just life.

We hear it all the time from women we work with. Marriage feels unnecessary for some. For others, the thought of walking down the aisle again feels heavy. So, they move in with their partner and figure things out from there.

But what does that really mean? Why are so many couples going this route? And what’s the part no one warns you about, like how the law might treat your relationship if things don’t last? Let’s talk about it.

What Does Cohabitation Mean?

Cohabitation, in plain terms, is just two people in a relationship living together without being married. No license. No big ceremony. Just two lives sharing one roof.

Most couples in the United States are still married, but living together without marriage has grown fast. The change is striking when you look back. In 1968, over 80 percent of people aged 25 to 34 were married. By 2018, that dropped to about 40 percent, while cohabiting couples climbed to nearly 15 percent. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, by 2020 there were more than nine million cohabiting households, and experts believe this growth is set to continue.

So why’s it happening? A mix of reasons. Marriage doesn’t hold the same weight it once did. Women now have more independence, with careers and education giving them options past generations didn’t always have. And for plenty of couples, cohabitation just feels easier. Less formal. Less pressure.

How People See It Now

Not too long ago, living together before marriage was something people whispered about. Especially in more traditional families.

Now? Most people don’t think twice. A survey from 2019 found nearly 70 percent of adults in the United States believe it’s fine for couples to cohabit. Some said it’s acceptable only if marriage is the goal, while a small group — about 14 percent felt it was never acceptable. But overall, living together isn’t seen as rebellious anymore. It’s just another way relationships happen.

Marriage Compared to Living Together

We often hear women say marriage is just a piece of paper. And maybe, for some, it feels that way. But when you dig a little deeper into how couples actually feel, marriage still seems to bring a different level of security.

Married couples tend to trust each other more. They feel more confident about loyalty, honesty, and handling money. They also tend to feel better about how they communicate, parent, and balance home life with work.

When it comes to sex, the numbers are about the same. Roughly 35 percent of both married and cohabiting couples say they’re satisfied.

Still, when asked who they feel closest to, most married adults name their spouse. For those living together, only about 55 percent of cohabiting individuals do. So, whether we like it or not, marriage still carries a deeper sense of commitment for many people.

The Legal Side Most People Overlook

Even though cohabitation has become common, the law hasn’t exactly caught up. It doesn’t treat couples who live together the same as married ones, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for years.

You don’t automatically get rights to each other’s property or inheritance. You don’t get the tax breaks that married couples enjoy. And if things end, dividing houses, cars, or even debt can quickly turn messy if nothing was ever put in writing.

We’ve seen this surprise so many women. That’s why we always suggest talking to a lawyer before you move in. It’s not about ruining the romance. It’s about knowing where you stand before things get complicated. And if you ever need divorce advice, it helps to get educated early. You can even start by reading this guide on how to find a good divorce lawyer.

What Happens to Spousal Support

Here’s something that catches a lot of women off guard. If you’re getting alimony and start living with a new partner, your ex can ask the court to reduce or even stop those payments.

The court won’t just make a snap decision, though. Judges look at how long you’ve lived together, whether you share bills or an address, if other people see you as a couple, and how your finances compare to your ex’s. They also consider the lifestyle you had during your marriage. Another factor is the standard of living the couple enjoyed during the marriage. The longer the marriage lasted, the less likely it is for spousal support to change. (And yes, in case you’re wondering, do stay-at-home moms get alimony?)

Child support is different. That almost never changes. The child’s needs remain the priority, no matter who you live with.

Why Some Couples Choose It While Others Don’t

For some, living together is a way to test the waters. They want to see how life feels before marriage. Others find that sharing expenses just makes life simpler. And honestly, many just feel more comfortable without the formality of a legal ceremony.

---

If you are under the same roof and splitting up, check out suggestions and steps on how to separate from your spouse while living together.

---

Not everyone feels that way. Studies show couples who live together before marrying are more likely to divorce later. Relationship satisfaction tends to be lower. And couples who cohabit don’t have the legal protections that come with marriage, which can make things messy if they break up. Some research even shows more conflict and infidelity compared to those who are married.

Should You Move In?

If marriage feels unnecessary, or even stressful, living together can feel like the easier path. But before you start moving boxes, sit down and talk openly with your partner. Discuss what you both expect, how you’ll handle money, and where you see the relationship going. Some couples even write out a simple agreement, just to protect themselves.

Cohabitation can work. Plenty of couples make it last. But it’s worth knowing these relationships, on average, don’t last as long as marriages. For all its complications, marriage still carries a sense of permanence for many people. You know the saying: till death do us part.

NOTES

If you are thinking about divorce, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice not to do it alone. 

Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to guide them through the emotional, financial, and practical experience of breaking up and reinventing. 

SAS offers all women six free months of email coaching, smart steps, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you — and your precious future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

 

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”