Why Do Women Initiate Divorce More Than Men: 7 Reasons

Marriage is often pictured as the finish line in many stories — that long-imagined day when the narrative is supposed to be complete and “ever after.” But the truth is more complicated, isn’t it? Studies show that women initiate divorce nearly 70% of the time, compared to men.• And when you talk to women about why, the patterns are hard to miss: unmet expectations, uneven workloads, and a growing willingness to walk away from relationships that no longer feel fair or fulfilling.

Here are 7 reasons why women initiate divorce more often than men. See if any of them hit home for you.

Women have high and complex expectations about marriage

Today’s bride-to-be isn’t strictly registering for aprons and cookbooks. She expects an egalitarian relationship with shared responsibilities and benefits not predicated on colonial gender roles. Chances are that she is employed or on a focused career path. So, she is making a contribution to the family that was once the sole responsibility of the husband.

Women today expect more. They want emotional intimacy, communication, personal growth, and shared responsibility.

When marriage starts to feel more like wash-rinse-repeat than the promised pursuit of dreams, disenchantment can creep in and take over. Once this tension sets in, women are more likely to feel its effects. Thus, women initiate divorce more often when this contradiction arises.

Equality isn’t all that “equal”

Change may be the only thing constant in life. But that doesn’t mean it happens cleanly or logically. In the span of a handful of decades, the role of women in society has changed exponentially. Women are equally represented in the workforce, earning degrees, and taking on roles of tremendous power and influence. Women are notorious for braving the front lines of initiative and necessary change. Society and entities content with the status quo, however, aren’t always so quick to follow suit.

Technology, media, education, and a shrinking world continue to expose the always-present powers and potential of women. And yet, acceptance of those traits doesn’t seem to have caught up with married and family life.

Despite working outside the home just like their husbands, married women still do the majority of childcare and housework. So, while blazing new trails in the world at large, they are finding themselves stuck in traditional expectations at home.

And many women are finding that this dynamic is holding them back in life. They are capable of and yearning to do so much more. But something has to give.

Unfortunately, divorce in transformational times is another barrier that women have to overcome. Equality, it seems, is ahead of its time.

Women are still the emotional caregivers

Some things, like a woman’s proclivity for emotional expression and intuition, are a reflection of natural traits. But neither gender has a corner on the market of any natural leaning, especially when choice and effort can enrich it. And yet, when it comes to being sensitive and responsive to the emotional needs of a family, the expectation still usually falls to the wife or mother. Men may have an inclination to be less emotive and communicative, but they can and often do exploit the stereotype. The weight left on the woman’s shoulders, then, becomes extremely heavy and draining over time. This weight may cause women to initiate divorce long before their spouses.

It also contributes to women being held back by marriage, as there is often so little energy left for themselves.

Women are more inclined to seek support

Perhaps it’s because they have so much on their plate (and always have) that women have a knack for building community. Compared to men, they are far more likely to reach out for support. While the voices of wisdom and support may advise a woman to live her best life, men are more likely to stay stuck. Conservatism and emotional closure contribute to their choice to stay in a marriage, regardless of its dysfunction.

If that’s you — you are thinking about or facing divorce — and looking for female-centered support, you’ll want to learn about Annie’s Group here.

Women are getting MORE educated

In the based-on-a-true-story movie Dangerous Beauty, the Venetian courtesan Veronica Franco proves to be more than just beautiful. She learns that courtesans are the only women given access to libraries and education, and she devours the opportunity. In one simple statement to the wives of Venice, she makes the power of that distinction clear: “A woman’s greatest and most hard-won asset is an education.” Five hundred years later, there is still truth in her words. Women are now leading the graduation rates for both undergraduate and graduate degrees. And college-educated women initiate divorce 90% of the time, compared to 69% for women overall. Yet another testament to the role education and exposure to “what’s out there” have had on women.

If you are that kind of college grad who is looking for the CliffNotes on how to prepare for divorce, or questions to ask a divorce attorney at a consultation, you’ll appreciate this divorce checklist that will lead you through the smartest, healthiest steps — in the right sequence.

Women have more opportunities today

It’s almost surreal to look back on the roles of women in history. Misguided theories, poor divorce advice, restrictive laws, and male-dominated societies have all conspired to build walls that women are still breaking down. And yet, for all the opportunities and glimpses of equality that women in America have, women in many nations are still living in a dark history. We have only to look at the patriarchal systems of the Middle East to know that one woman’s journey may be a world away from another woman’s journey.

Women often feel they have nothing left to lose

Sometimes being the underdog has its advantages. If a woman is being repressed, mistreated, abused, or neglected in a marriage, she may see no risk in leaving. The greater risk may come from staying.

This “nothing left to lose” mindset can be energizing and may literally propel a woman upward.

New Pressures: Finances and Identity

Money remains a huge factor in many women’s decisions. Picture a woman balancing a full-time job, children, and household duties — and still worrying about financial stability. Women who’ve stepped out of the workforce to raise kids often come back at a disadvantage, and they know it. Read more on this if you wonder do stay-at-home moms get alimony.

Divorce can mean short-term strain, but for many, it’s also a chance to rebuild finances after divorce and reclaim their identity on their own terms.

Modern Shifts in Relationships

Scroll through Instagram or Facebook, and you’ll notice how marriage gets talked about differently than it did even ten years ago. Self-care, mental health, and equality — these themes dominate the conversation. The old advice to “just grin and bear it” doesn’t land anymore. Women are not only thinking about divorce (as they always have), they are now more openly asking, Is this the life I want? And when the answer is no, they’re choosing fulfillment over staying in something that feels stuck.

So what usually pushes a woman to finally say “enough”? It’s often a mix:

• Carrying the bulk of housework and childcare on top of a job

• Feeling unseen or unsupported emotionally

• Worrying about money or having no financial security

• Realizing she has opportunities she wants to pursue

• Living with neglect, repression, or abuse

FAQ: Why do more women initiate divorce?

There isn’t a single reason. Many women feel they shoulder more of the household and emotional labor, while also wanting deeper intimacy and equality. They’re also more likely to seek outside support, which can give them the courage to act. Education and opportunity play a role too — providing the tools and confidence to choose a path that matches their values.

Final Thoughts

Women don’t file for divorce more often because they’re careless.

Most stay until the marriage no longer reflects who they are or what they need. Divorce always hurts — but for many women, leaving is also the first step toward breathing again, regaining independence, and slowly shaping a life that feels genuine and their own.

NOTES

Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to guide them through the emotional, financial, and practical experience of breaking up and reinventing. 

 SAS offers all women six free months of email coaching, smart steps, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you — and your precious future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

 

 

* https://divorce.com/blog/who-initiates-divorce-more/

** We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or “he.”