Divorce Counseling: Is it for You … or Both of You?

One of the most challenging decisions you’ll ever face is if you should divorce. That’s because emotions are often ebbing and flowing every day, making it hard to know what you can trust or what to do first to get to some healthier place. Everything seems so interconnected. You worry if you do one thing, it will impact something else, and then, like a house of cards, your life, and that of your children, will all come tumbling down. You worry about regret, loss, or ending up in some place where there’s no return. In this negative loop cycle of feeling trapped, finding something to anchor you, something you can genuinely latch onto can be like finding terra firma. For many people, divorce counseling is that stabilizing paradigm that offers guidance and structure for understanding their relationship and circumstances.

But what is divorce counseling, and how does it differ from divorce coaching?

Whether you are navigating this journey alone or with your partner, understanding the benefits of divorce counseling can be a step toward growth and healing.

What Is Divorce Counseling?

Divorce counseling is a psychotherapy designed to help people deal with the emotional complexities of divorce. It focuses on four things:

1. Providing a safe space to express feelings
2. Offering tools to manage uncomfortable emotions like stress and grief
3. Insight into the emotional impact of ending a marriage
4. Rebuilding self-identity post-divorce

Divorce counseling focuses on the psychological and emotional challenges of divorce. It helps you explore your feelings, understand your reactions, and learn how to work toward healing emotionally.

Common Misconception About Divorce Counseling

You might think that divorce counseling is focused on how to divorce. That would be a normal assumption. But it’s not.

Divorce counseling is about supporting you and helping you make the best decision about the future of your marriage.

A divorce counselor provides a nonjudgmental environment to do several things. These include exploring emotions and fears, understanding the impact of the choices, and encouraging communication and conflict resolution.

Divorce counseling, then, is about helping you gain clarity and emotional well-being. It’s not about pushing a specific outcome.

Why Consider Divorce Counseling?

There are four primary benefits to divorce counseling. Whether for individuals, or couples working together, divorce counseling promotes:

1. Emotional support and understanding.

A divorce counselor provides a safe space to explore and process uncomfortable feelings like anger, sadness, and confusion. They also help people cope with the chaos of divorce.

2. Conflict resolution and communication.

This is especially valuable for couples because it encourages constructive dialogue. A divorce counselor can also help you resolve disputes, which can reduce stress — for both of you.

3. Guidance through the emotional stages of divorce.

Divorce counselors have tools that can help people navigate the emotional phases of divorce. This encourages the ability to adapt to life changes that come along with divorce.

4. Personal growth and self-discovery.

A divorce counselor will help a person in their divorce recovery and the rediscovery process of their identity outside of their previous role as a spouse. This encourages a solid rebuilding for their future well-being.

Individual vs Couples Counseling

The choice between individual and couples divorce counseling depends on your circumstances.

Individual counseling might be best for you if you are thinking about divorce (pre-decision) or the decision is made, and you want a private space to explore your emotions and plan your next steps. Divorce counseling will help you focus on your healing and growth.

Couples counseling might be better if you want to have an amicable divorce. In other words, the decision is made. This kind of counseling will help you and your spouse better understand each other, resolve communication barriers, and address challenging issues. This can be especially helpful if children are involved.

Deciding which path to take will depend on your emotional needs and the dynamics of your relationship.

Divorce Coaching vs Divorce Counseling

Divorce coaching and divorce counseling are two related disciplines focusing on the life challenges of divorce.

Divorce counseling focuses on emotional healing and understanding the psychological impact of divorce. It’s about processing feelings and fostering emotional well-being. Divorce counselors are usually trained mental health professionals and therapists. To find a divorce counselor near you, you could consult Psychology Today’s directory here.

Divorce coaching usually centers on the individual and can vary in approach — from focusing on the practical, forward-moving action it requires to get you to a healthier place in your journey, to the more holistic approach SAS for Women coaches use in supporting all parts of you going through the crisis.  SAS wants to promote your understanding of what your choices are, legally, financially, and practically as a means to securing your best future. At the same time, SAS knows that your emotions matter, and understanding and metabolizing them is a key piece to your healing. A good divorce coach is experienced in the crisis of divorce and trained and certified in divorce or life coaching.

Getting Started

If you’re considering divorce counseling, you’ll want to do the following:

1. Decide if individual or couples counseling would work best for you and your unique situation.
2. Look for licensed therapists who specialize in divorce or relationship issues. You’ll also want to look at their reviews. You can also get a referral from someone you know.
3. Schedule a consultation to discuss your goals and determine whether the therapist is a good fit for you.
4. Commit to the process wholeheartedly because healing takes time.
5. Keep an open mind.
6. Be willing to grow.

Should you divorce? Working with a divorce counselor can help you understand your emotions and help you move more gracefully and consciously through the decision you’re facing about the future of your marriage.

Remember, that along with getting educated about your rights, your legal and financial choices, and ensuring your best financial transaction if you divorce, prioritizing your emotional and mental well-being is an essential step toward rebuilding your best life after divorce.

NOTES

Thinking about divorce…

Annie’s Group provides a confidential overview of what a woman must know.

Learn about Annie’s Group here.

 

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”