Managing Your Living Expenses After Divorce
I remember a friend of mine once saying to me, “Divorce sucks!” Of course, she was right in more ways than I could have ever imagined. For I was to learn firsthand, years later, divorce costs us, emotionally and financially. I, as a woman, a wife, a mother, felt a deep sense of failure, but I also realized that if I were to survive, I had to face the practicalities of day-to-day living and cut my cloth (or dwindling paper towels) accordingly, financially speaking.
It’s a sad fact that many women make the mistake of mishandling money matters following a divorce. It’s a common oversight, so much so that the Wall Street Journal1 published an article that looked at this very topic. Among the experts consulted was SAS for Women founder Liza Caldwell.
Liza has asked me to dive deeper into each of the five divorce financial mistakes the Wall Street Journal reported, so that our readers can learn more and avoid them in their own lives. (Scroll to the bottom for links to SAS articles exploring the first four mistakes.) The fifth and final financial mistake we’ll discuss is … underestimating your post-divorce living expenses.
Divorce Means Change
“The only constant is change.” A quote from my divorce coach? No, it’s from the sixth-century Greek philosopher, Heraclitus. Knowing what I know now, it makes me wonder if he’d just been through a divorce.
When I was a lot younger and still had many of life’s lessons yet to learn, I used to dislike change; anything that upset the apple cart and took me out of my comfort zone. Divorce is like that, it’s one of life’s harsh realities that changes your world, and at the same time demands that you change in certain ways too. And while I’m still not a fan of change, over time I’ve come to realize that it is inevitable.
Make no mistake, a divorce will change your financial landscape, at least for a while.
One of the changes you will need to consider post-divorce is your living expenses. Dropping down from two incomes to just one has its consequences. Unless you’re earning mega bucks with plenty of cash to spare, chances are you’ll need to take a serious look at your budgeting.
It Sounds Obvious, But…
Living independently can be a challenge at first, particularly if your Ex cared for the bulk of the financial responsibilities. Expenses that may have been shared will now fall squarely upon your shoulders. Everything from rent or mortgage payments and utility bills to house, health, and car insurance, and not forgetting your weekly groceries. I deliberately used the word challenge instead of problem, because that’s how I trained myself to look upon it. It’s not just a bit of kidology; taking on a positive frame of mind rather than a defeatist stance definitely strengthened my resolve to master the situation.
Plus, challenges under pressure can often bring out some great qualities in us that we didn’t even know we possessed.
After my divorce, I realized pretty quickly that I needed to make changes in where and how I spent my money. I didn’t exactly learn the hard way, but looking back, I could have handled it much better. I quickly learned that to carry on as if nothing had happened would push me into debt sooner or later.
Some changes might include seemingly small things. One example I can think of is eating out. When married, we used to go to our favorite restaurant every Friday; it was our thing, a way of unwinding and catching up with friends after the working week. To save money, I knocked my weekly excursion to the restaurant on the head, and also, when I got home, feeling exhausted, I resisted the temptation to order takeout.
Instead, I got busy in the kitchen, not only did I save money, but as a bonus, I dropped a dress size too! Of course, this meant planning. I had to make sure I went to the grocery store during the weekend and bought enough food to last me the week. But eventually, I got pretty good at it. And not long after, my doctor remarked about my reduced cholesterol score. Turns out that was another boon.
Depending on your situation, you might want to look at ways to cut back on certain little luxuries until things stabilize. One woman admitted, “Yeah, scaling back was hard for me at first. I was enjoying spending $200 getting my hair done every eight weeks.”
Think about It
Like we said at the outset, things will be different. What about maintaining the house? Was your Ex a handy guy with house repairs? Maybe you were and are? If you’re not the most practical person, you’ll most likely need to hire someone to fix things when they go wrong. Did you share a cell phone contract with your Ex? Have you budgeted for your own plan? What about auto insurance? Did you and your spouse use the same policy and receive a discount to boot? Be sure to check how your premiums will be affected now that you’re divorced. You’ll want to scrutinize everything you are paying for.
If you’re a parent, there are some important things to consider. Advance planning now can save a lot of time and stress later on. For instance, his mother, “Grandma”, picks up the kids from school and looks after them until you get home. Is this still a viable option? Is the situation likely to change anytime soon? Maybe you might have to resort to after-school childcare fees. Even some things that seem far off, like who will shell out for that prom dress or tuxedo? When your children start driving, how will the car and insurance be funded? What about college?
One woman powerfully shared her experience online: “When I say it was hard out there by myself with my small kids, it took every fiber in me not to break, but I worked hard and got my kids and me out of the hole we were in. It took me four years to balance things out, but I did, and now my boys (teens now) and I live comfortably with our two dogs in the nicest part of town. We take a few trips a year, and I’m fixing to give my oldest his first car, which will be my old car. Yes, I will treat myself to a new vehicle! I’m glad for the lessons learned and knowing what I’m made of. What’s more, I am really proud of what I modeled to my boys.”
When ‘Tis the Season
It’s worth remembering that there are different expenses depending on the season. The demands on your bank account may be minimal at the moment, but what about when winter comes? Higher heating bills are the obvious ones, but will you have enough ready cash to get those snow tires fitted? Are you and your kids looking forward to the holidays? Will it be a quiet one this year, or will you still make an effort for them?
Other celebrations, such as birthdays, graduations, or other annual events and holidays, may also require prior planning. One of many divorced moms I spoke to shared her holiday reality, “I had to cut back a lot financially while still being able to look after my kids. But, you know, it forced me to be creative and to do other things with them, like going for hikes or playing games instead of lavishing them with presents. And I think our time was more meaningful, together as a result.”
Optimistic, But Honest
Okay, so keeping that positive mindset, what are some ways to take the guesswork out of your budget plan now that you’re divorced or soon to be? You can never be 100 percent sure, but it’s possible to get a pretty good estimate. Be honest about your situation. On a personal level, I’m quite conservative. Once I have an idea of my expenses, I automatically assume that the costs will be a little higher. And don’t just look at your income at face value; be aware that certain benefits, such as spousal or child support, may be taxable.
Keep a record of your day-to-day expenses for a few months to get an idea of your outgoings, and if needed, where you can perhaps make one or two adjustments.
- What subscriptions can I cut?
- Do I really need two streaming services?
- Can I cancel that service and transfer it into a savings account to cover house repairs, or a modest holiday?
- Do I need to re-adjust the date of that standing order to avoid being overdrawn?
If you’re new to budgeting for yourself, check out the best online budgeting apps for 2026, recently published by Forbes Advisor. (Go for the free version.) They cover everything from beginners and household expenses to tracking spending and monitoring cash flow. Another option would be to take advice from a financial planner, particularly if you’re unsure about how to begin, or, for example, which incomes or benefits may be subject to tax.
I mentioned earlier that sometimes difficult situations can bring out the best in us, if we allow them to. This is well summed up by this quote from a recently divorced woman: “After 6-8 months of misery, I learned about financial independence, optimized my finances by learning to live lean, joined a divorce recovery group to find like-minded women – women who also wanted to grow. I went to counseling, and not only did I join a gym, I also went regularly!
Consider reading “How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Divorce? And 4 Signs You are on Your Way”.
Can You Survive?
We hope you’ve found this SAS series of articles on financial mistakes following divorce useful and relevant to you. We covered a lot of ground, from emotional spending, hidden assets, emotions prolonging the divorce process, and illiquid assets.
To read the earlier articles, visit here:
- How to Manage Your Emotional Spending During and After Divorce
- Hidden Assets: Is There a Penalty for Hiding Them in a Divorce?
- How Your Divorce Emotions Can Cost You Financially
- How to Understand Illiquid Assets in a Divorce: Business Shares, Property, and Pensions
As with most crises, divorce is handled by people in varying ways. The advice in these articles is intended to help you in practical ways from a financial standpoint. And to remind you that not only are you capable of adapting to new approaches to money and spending, but also, with this adaptation you may discover powerful things about yourself. One woman says that when she didn’t have the kids, to help with missing them, she threw all her energy into her job. She added that as a result, she made more money than she ever had in her career, and, as well, it didn’t leave her any time to spend money carelessly.
For me, however, one of the most encouraging quotes is this success story from another woman I spoke with. “Eight years later, and my life is completely different. I’m much happier now. My definition of success has altered a bit. I’m more easily contented with little things, and I’ve recovered most of the financial stuff.”
There’s not much more I can add to that.
NOTES
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Source
*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”
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