Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney at a Consultation
You may be thinking about divorce and have grown tired of the spin cycle, thinking about it over and over again. Or, you suspect divorce is probably in your future, and you wonder what to do next. Or, dear Reader, you may have been hit with a divorce, or know that it’s going to happen, and you know you must protect yourself. While each of these situations represents different realities to some degree, what unites them is the critical need to move beyond your personal analysis of the circumstances and to get legally educated. This also means not relying on Google as your guru.
Preparing Your Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney at a Consultation
It’s time to formulate your questions to ask a divorce attorney at a consultation, because you need real, black and white information that pertains to the specifics of your life and what is possible for you as a woman, and perhaps a mother. It’s time to hear what the law would say about your facts.
Don’t worry, we’ll help you. The key is to walk in prepared.
A suggestion as well is that if you can, take a good friend, a family member, or a divorce coach with you. They can help you brainstorm questions in advance, go through the threshold with you, take notes, and listen objectively. Afterward, they can give you valuable feedback on what they heard, what they noted, what they liked, and did not. Before meeting with the attorney, let the attorney know you’ll be bringing someone and who it is, so they can discuss confidentiality with you.
As for your questions, use these below to get started. They center on what facts you should learn and what questions you should ask before, during, and after a consultation with a divorce lawyer. We will also share a few thoughts with you as divorced women and coaches who facilitate divorce support groups, because we are familiar with what may be going through your head and how you might be feeling.
If you are worried about the meeting (before you even get there), consider these 2 facts:
- Meeting with an attorney is simply about getting information. It does not mean you are definitely getting a divorce!
- These meetings are confidential. The lawyer can’t help you unless you are truthful. Remember, it’s confidential, so be open and tell them everything you can.
What else must you know in preparation for this consultation with a divorce attorney?
- Divorce laws vary from state to state. You must speak to a divorce attorney in your state and preferably in your county.
- Most attorneys charge for a consultation, and others do not, or may offer a short 15-minute consultation. Don’t delude yourself that you’ll get what you need in 15 minutes. You won’t. Find a way to pay. (If you don’t have the money, borrow it from a friend or family member.)
- When you make your appointment, ask what documents would be good for you to bring. Many lawyers suggest you bring copies of the last 3 years of tax returns. If you don’t have the tax returns, you can order copies or transcripts from the IRS. This will take time, so do this soon. If you worry about confidentiality, if your spouse will be notified, or how the reports will be sent, you can call the IRS and speak to them privately. You have a right to your tax returns and should have free access to them, no matter what’s happening in your house or how dysfunctional or toxic your marriage is.
- We strongly recommend, as well, that you walk in with a list of what your assets (what you own) and liabilities (what debts you owe) are. Itemize these assets and debts, and give each its current value as of today.
It will help if you understand what will be discussed at the meeting. In general, the attorney should touch on these 5 basic themes:
- The divorce process itself
- Child custody (Read “Best Advice on Custody for Divorcing Moms”)
- Division of your assets
- Child Support and/or Spousal Support / Alimony (Read “What is Alimony”)
- The attorney’s fees
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Developing your questions to ask a divorce attorney at a consultation
Begin your own list of legal questions by first thinking about your biggest fears that relate to divorce, and write them down. Then look at those fears and ask yourself, is there a legal or financial question underneath them? These are questions you must ask the lawyer because they are weighing on you.
Building yourself up and getting ready to meet? Check out our piece on how to find a good divorce lawyer near you.
Always good questions to ask during a divorce, legal consultation
And because you’ve probably never been divorced before, and don’t know what else you don’t know, here’s a list of smart questions to also ask:
- Do you have experience with_________________ (fill in the blank with anything unique to your situation)? This could be anything you have concerns about (someone is having an affair; you have no access to money or financial documents; you are feeling too afraid to divorce; there’s an addiction; you worry about how to protect yourself, etc.)
- My spouse‘s income is X. My income is Y. What is my worst-case scenario for alimony? And for how long?
- What is my worst-case scenario for child support? And for how long?
- Explain the difference between an uncontested divorce and a contested one?
- How do you deal with “difficult” (or fill in the blank about your spouse) adversaries?
- How do I maintain access to marital monies so that I can live and pay expenses if my spouse cuts me off?
- What is your retainer and hourly fee? Will I be notified when the retainer is almost gone? What other costs should I be aware of?
- What is the best way to communicate with you (email or phone)?
- Will you be working on my case, or will it be someone else at your firm?
- What are the best ways for me to keep costs down?
Learn what divorce coaching is and why it could be “the angel on your shoulder” you’ve been looking for.
Finally, we encourage you to reflect on the experience afterwards. Ask yourself:
- Do you like them? Did you feel like you could trust them? How did you gut react?
- Did you walk away understanding most of what you talked about?
- Did you get a chance to ask questions?
- Did you feel like you were heard? That you got to say everything you wanted?
Think of this initial meeting simply as research. You are there to find out information about getting a divorce (or a legal separation or a post-nuptial agreement), as well as getting a sense of the divorce attorney. Could you potentially work with them? We promise, if you walk in prepared, you’ll walk out feeling more knowledgeable and confident in yourself — and what you can do if you must.
For more strategic and healthy steps to take, consult our thorough divorce checklist written with women like you in mind.
Notes:
Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing aftermath.
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*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”
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