What is a Divorce Doula?
One would think that giving birth is one thing, and getting divorced is another subject entirely. However, the name “doula” has recently been associated with these life changes. The name ‘doula’ has long been used to describe a midwife who assists a woman in giving birth. Now, the term describes coaches who help women transition to freedom after marriage and rediscover themselves. Here, we explore what a divorce doula is and how they support healing and growth during divorce.
What is a Divorce Doula? And Why Do You Need One?
The divorce process requires various forms of support if you have the right resources. Lawyers handle legal matters, and finance experts help with maintenance and financial issues. Most importantly, an experienced guide understands the journey and life reinvention. This person assists with logistics, connects you to experts, and teaches you how to work with them affordably. If chosen wisely, they also provide emotional support during the trauma of divorce.
In recent times, this person has been called a divorce coach. But now there’s another name for this midwife. Enter the divorce doula who is there as a shoulder to cry on, someone who, like a right arm, is there to help you put the practicalities together and hold your hand so you come through this harrowing process in one piece.
It does take a village – and when you tackle the divorce challenge, you need the right people as part of your arsenal. Yes, it costs. But when you use the right people and get educated on what you must know, you protect your money and your mental health. Managing divorce involves learning a whole new set of rules for you and your Ex, and if kids are involved, the rule book can combust. Of course, it’s not just about rules – it’s important to consider human feelings. And that’s why you need someone holding your hand who understands what you’re experiencing and can help you navigate the toughest patches.
What is a Divorce Doula? What Does She Do?
A ‘divorce coach’ is how SAS for Women® describes a divorce doula. But there are other words, too. Some people call her a divorce consultant. Others call her a divorce concierge. Still, others consider her a ‘divorce negotiator’. But whatever term you use, one thing is certain. The role a divorce doula plays is critical.
Certainly, many consider a divorce doula an additional expense they can ill afford. After all, according to Forbes, the average cost of a divorce in the US ranges from $7,000 to $15,000 depending on the complexity of the case. Additionally, this figure increases to between $10,000 and $20,000 if the two parties disagree on the divorce terms, as extra financial and legal advisors may be required. Time is money. An average divorce can take from 3 months to a year, depending on its complexity.
A divorce doula can speed up the process, reduce costs, and often help you avoid court. They guide you in focusing your energy, making strategic decisions, and choosing battles wisely. Legal and financial advisors focus on their tasks, not cost-saving strategies. A divorce doula helps streamline the process, teaching you how to work with a lawyer and communicate effectively with your ex. The divorce doula’s goal is to shepherd you into another chapter of your life healthily and smartly. It’s not just about getting the financial document signed.
So, What is a Divorce Doula?
Like a midwife, a divorce doula stands by your side to help you get through the ‘labor’ pain. And let’s be honest – there is a lot of pain in a divorce, even if you’re the person who initiated it. While a midwife ushers a new life into the world, a divorce doula eases the pain of emerging relatively intact after the rollercoaster of emotions that surround a divorce process.
The word ‘doula’ is the Greek word for a female ‘servant’. Doulas have long been associated with birthing, but end-of-life doulas have also become popular. These women assist families cope with losing a loved one. They don’t replace medical assistance or the invaluable support provided by hospices. They complement their support.
And now we have divorce doulas doing the same thing to help people through the often brutal divorce process. Once again, they complement the work carried out by legal, financial, and psychological professionals. Whether you call them divorce doulas or divorce coaches, it matters not. What is important is that they are looking at the big picture of divorce and helping you with the right small steps to get to the other side – in the healthiest manner. Avoiding court is often a result.
Guiding Women Through Divorce with Holistic Support
SAS for Women® is dedicated to this work, although they don’t call themselves divorce doulas. They provide divorce coaching privately, and they offer divorce support groups and programs – all, for women only. They believe, based on their research that there are four stages a woman travels through on the divorce journey. Between each stage, it’s SAS’ job to help transition you like a midwife to the new stage as healthily and smartly as possible. They know that when you understand the stage you are in, you are better equipped to face what you must face in that stage to move through and forward.
In each stage, SAS assists with all the practical challenges of divorce as they take you through the financial and legal implications. And they provide the sisterly support guiding you through the myriad of feelings that accompany you. Their approach is holistic because divorce is just that: a life crisis affecting all parts of your being. Any recovery and healing from this crisis, therefore, is going to require healing all parts of the self that were impacted by the trip.
“I was emotionally drained and felt powerless and lost in this crazy process. I needed savvy women …. SAS accompanied me during long conferences with my lawyers. They came with me to court. I knew they had my back 100%.”
~ Nancy C.
Divorce Recovery With a Divorce ‘Doula’
It’s certainly true that understanding the divorce process–whether you’re a legal, financial, or psychological expert–is important. But, having the mentorship of an experienced woman who has been through divorce and her divorce recovery firsthand, is, for many, a life changer.
Liza Caldwell, cofounder and director of SAS for Women®, has been through the divorce process and has emerged on the other side to educate women about their life choices. In her vision to create SAS as a one-stop place for women dealing with divorce, Liza trained in transformational coaching with the faculty of Leadership That Works and became a certified coach (CPC) recognized by the International Coach Federation (ICF). She started SAS for Women® because she believes “it’s important to not go through a divorce alone.” On the SAS for Women website, a library for women going through the crisis, Liza talks about the stress of divorce.
“It affects your brain, your body, and your heart. Because of that stress, it muddies your senses and your ability to see straight. Good divorce support is meant to acknowledge the stress and support you across every obstacle, every challenge, and every experience. Our method is to identify the healthy action you must take in response. It’s the up-and-over, ‘Let’s not over-talk it’ approach. And it’s a soft, safe place to land when it needs to be.”
What SAS for Women Can Do For You
Entirely dedicated to women, SAS provides divorce support and strategic coaching for individuals who are thinking about divorce, in the process of it, or are recovering from it. For the past 13 years, SAS has helped women come to terms with questions such as deciding whether to divorce or separate, when to leave a husband or stick it out, how to prepare for divorce in practical and emotional ways, how to mitigate the impact of divorce on children and the finances, as well as how to create the best life after divorce. True to Liza’s original idea, SAS’ mission is to help women with holistic support wherever they are on the road and to navigate and grow from the process of change.
If you are dealing with divorce and looking for black-and-white steps to take, read this article written by the divorce coaches at SAS for Women:
“55 Must Do’s on Your Modern Divorce Checklist.”
In Conclusion
Like a divorce doula, the coaches at SAS for Women share their experience, coaching skills, and inspiration with thoughtful women as a foundation for them to become the women they want to be – in their own time and on their own terms. The doula, a role now associated with divorce transition, is a beautiful metaphor for female support, helping usher in a new life. And that, dear Reader, is exactly the opportunity SAS for Women wants you to know is waiting for you.
NOTES
Sharon Preston is a writer and editor. She has edited numerous lifestyle magazines and ghostwritten several books. She lives in a cottage in Johannesburg, South Africa with her two cats. You can connect with Sharon here: sharpreston1234@gmail.com
Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward.
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*SAS continues to support same-sex and nonbinary marriage. In this article, however, we refer to your spouse as husband/he/him.
