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Navigating the First 90 Days Post-Filing for Divorce in New York

in Getting a Divorce, home featured / by Jeni Dodd, Esq.

Nobody puts “File for divorce” or “Respond to divorce papers” on their bucket list. Ever. Yet, here you are facing a journey involving unfamiliar legal concepts and daunting emotional trials. The first 90 days after filing for divorce in New York will set the course for the near future. And know that no one ever looks forward to this trip. Yet, thousands brace themselves and take the first steps every year. As a New York divorce attorney, I’ve walked alongside both initiators and those who were hit with divorce papers: that is, both plaintiffs and defendants.

I know the future may look bleak and unwanted. I won’t minimize that reality. But while you cannot avoid what’s in front of you, entirely, you can navigate it more skillfully, particularly during those critical 90 days post-filing for divorce in New York. And if you are not in New York State, it’s worth reading this piece to learn smart questions to ask about your state and the process!

What Comes After Filing for Divorce in New York?

At the start of the divorce process, we designate the spouses as “parties” and as either “plaintiff” or “defendant” based on who files for divorce and who receives the divorce papers. While both parties travel the same legal road, the experience differs profoundly depending on whether you initiated this path by filing for divorce, the person we call the plaintiff, or as the defendant, the person who receives the papers.

I will illuminate the landscape for both parties.

Even though there are different responsibilities and deadlines for plaintiffs and defendants, there is zero legal advantage to being designated either plaintiff or defendant.

I have had defendants demand to be the plaintiff because they feel at a disadvantage. There is no, please let me emphasize, NO advantage or disadvantage to being designated one party or the other. Save your resources for issues that actually matter. Party designation has no bearing on the actual legal outcome of the divorce process.

Try to think of it as a window or aisle seat on a plane. You may have a preference, but you will arrive at the destination the same.

Days 1-14: The Legal Process Begins After Filing for Divorce in New York State

From the Plaintiff’s Perspective: You made the difficult decision to file.

The plaintiffs who have been my clients have typically thought about filing for divorce for months, if not years. They have braced themselves and accepted that they have to take the next step.

In New York, this means preparing and filing either a Summons with Notice or a Summons and Complaint with the Supreme Court in the appropriate county. You must then serve your spouse within 120 days of filing for divorce. According to New York law, this must be done in person. You cannot mail or email the divorce papers to your spouse. You cannot hand the papers to your spouse. Service of the divorce papers must be done either through a process server or another adult over 18 who is not a party to the action. In New York City, a process server charges $300 to $1,000 or even more, depending on how resistant your spouse is to accepting service. If your spouse has an attorney, the attorney can accept service on behalf of your spouse.

The moment you file for divorce, automatic orders take effect under New York Domestic Relations Law Section 236(B)(2).

These automatic court orders bind both parties, prohibiting:

The sale or transfer of marital property
Changes to insurance coverage or beneficiaries
Modifications to retirement accounts
The incurrence of unreasonable debt and other changes to finances without consent or court approval

Violations can result in contempt charges, fines, and adverse rulings later in your case. As the plaintiff, as soon as you file for divorce, you are bound by the automatic orders.

Even though plaintiffs often feel a sense of relief by filing for divorce after a long period of anguish in making the decision, the actual act of signing the papers can trigger strong emotional responses. Don’t be surprised to feel a mixture of relief and anxiety.

From the Defendant’s Perspective: You are served divorce papers.

Being served with divorce papers, especially if unexpected, can feel like the ground disappearing beneath you. Shock, denial, anger, and a profound sense of loss of control are all normal reactions. Many of my defendant clients express a sense of unfairness that this is not what they chose, nor do they want to walk this path. It is normal to feel disoriented.

Even in this disoriented state, you will need to meet your most critical deadline at this very moment. From the time you are served with the filed divorce papers, you have 20 days to respond if personally served within New York State, 30 days if served outside New York. (Please check this if you are in a State other than New York.)

Missing this deadline can result in a default judgment, meaning the court may grant the divorce on your spouse’s proposed terms without your input.

As a New York Divorce Lawyer, What Do I Recommend You Do?

Within the first week of being served, hire an experienced New York matrimonial attorney (aka divorce attorney). Read the papers carefully, particularly the automatic orders. Understand that the same automatic orders binding your spouse also bind you as soon as you are served.

This compressed timeline forces you to process emotions and make decisions simultaneously. This is a challenge the plaintiff didn’t face in quite the same way.

Consider reading this article for questions to ask a divorce attorney at a consultation.

Weeks 3-6 Post-Filing of Divorce in New York: Finding Your Footing

By this point, the defendant has made a critical choice to either contest the terms set out by the plaintiff or consent to them.

If the defendant files an Answer that disagrees with any aspect of the proposed divorce terms in the Summons and Complaint, the case will be deemed contested. The plaintiff must then file a Request for Judicial Intervention (RJI), which costs $95 and triggers the assignment of a judge to the case.

If the defendant agrees to the terms set out by the plaintiff in the Summons and Complaint, the defendant will sign an Affidavit of Defendant, and the divorce will proceed as uncontested. This is a significantly faster and less expensive path.

Read “What are 5 Advantages of an Uncontested Divorce”

When an Uncontested Divorce Makes Sense — and When It Doesn’t

At this juncture, it makes sense if the parties have been discussing divorce before the filing of the divorce and have worked out the terms together with full financial disclosure from both parties. I see this when parties have mediated a settlement agreement and have done all the work before filing for divorce. While an uncontested and easier path may seem appealing in these initial weeks, especially when you are dealing with the emotions of a surprise filing for divorce, if you have not had full financial disclosures by both parties, you will not know what you are signing off on.

Court Review and Financial Disclosure Requirements

Keep in mind that regardless of whether the case is uncontested or contested, the court reviews all settlements for divorce and requires the parties to swear they have had full financial disclosure and have made their decisions based on full disclosure, or that each party feels they have had sufficient financial information to agree to the terms.

Just because in these early days of the journey the divorce is contested, it does not mean that down the road it cannot become uncontested. At any point, both parties can agree to all of the terms, and the divorce can become uncontested.

Given that full financial disclosure is essential to reaching a settlement, during these weeks, both parties must begin preparing their Statement of Net Worth, a comprehensive sworn financial disclosure required in New York divorce cases. This detailed document requires three years of tax returns, recent pay stubs, bank statements, investment account records, retirement account information, credit card statements, and documentation of all assets, debts, income, and expenses. Critical dates for the value of assets and the amount of liabilities are the date of filing of divorce for divorce and the date of the marriage. This will determine what part of the marital estate is and what is separate property.

In New York, the presumption is that all assets and liabilities acquired during the marriage are part of the marital estate.

The Statement of Net Worth is sworn to under the penalty of perjury and is notarized and filed with the court. Swearing to false information can result in civil and criminal penalties.

You may wish to read about hidden assets and if there is a penalty for hiding them in divorce.

Weeks 7-12 Post-Filing Divorce in NY: Charting the Course Ahead

The Preliminary Conference

In contested cases, the court schedules a Preliminary Conference within approximately 45 days of the RJI being filed. Both parties must appear before their assigned judge with their attorneys if the parties are represented.

About a week before the Preliminary Conference, the parties must agree on a proposed preliminary conference order that the judge will review at the conference, approve, order, and sign. Once signed by the judge, this order will set out the discovery timeline, which will include depositions, expert witnesses if needed. It will also address any immediate needs for temporary relief, establish the case management schedule, and outline when the parties must file the Statements of Net Worth with the court. Many judges are now requiring the Statement of Net Worth to be filed before this conference.

Temporary Orders/ Pendente Lite Relief

During the pendency of the divorce, the court can issue temporary orders, often referred to as pendente lite support, addressing immediate needs. The most typical immediate needs include temporary spousal maintenance (learn what is alimony), temporary child support, temporary custody and visitation arrangements, exclusive use and occupancy of the marital residence, and interim counsel fees.

While these temporary orders aren’t intended to set a precedent for the final judgment, they often prove influential in shaping ultimate outcomes.

Discovery Begins

Discovery is the formal exchange of information.

In New York divorce cases, this includes production of financial documents, responses to interrogatories, which are written questions answered under oath, depositions or oral testimony under oath, and potentially subpoenas to third parties like banks, employers, or financial institutions.

This process typically spans 2-4 months, provided both parties are compliant. It ensures both parties have access to the full and transparent financial information before negotiations or trial.

What Divorce and Dissolution of a Marriage Mean in Court

As deeply emotional as divorce feels to both parties, and it is profoundly emotional, New York courts view the process as dissolving an economic partnership that has irretrievably broken down.

In my experience, this is the most difficult concept for a plaintiff or a defendant to accept. Parties want their attorneys and ultimately the court to validate and provide ‘justice’ for the hurt they feel in this process. Neither attorneys nor the court is equipped to address this part of the divorce journey. When parties cannot accept this reality is when I see legal fees soar because one party or the other desperately wants redress for the emotional aspect of the divorce. The legal system can only address the economic factors and child custody issues.

If you are in that hopeful or hopeless place, you may be interested in reading “What Percentages of Marriages End in Divorce?”

The legal framework that divides the economic dissolution of a marriage can be broken down into three distinct areas:

1. Equitable Distribution

New York is an equitable distribution state, not a community property state. This means the marital estate, which consists of the assets and debts acquired during the marriage, will be divided equitably. Equitably does not necessarily mean equally. This often shocks clients. Consider a marital estate that includes a home that is valued at $100,000 and a retirement account that is valued at $100,000. Equal division would mean that the home is sold, and each party would receive $50,000 and the retirement account would be divided 50/50. However, equitable distribution allows one party to keep the home and the other to have the retirement account. Each party is getting a similar value from the marital estate, but not an equal division of each asset. Generally, the court takes the marital estate, and each party will receive about half in value, whatever form that value takes.

Separate property, which is assets owned before marriage or received as gifts or inheritance, generally remains with the original owner. The party asserting separate property rights must prove that it is separate property.

Liabilities are part of the marital estate and thus shared equitably between the parties. I have had cases where a party refuses to accept that the assets of a marriage must be offset by the liabilities.

2. Spousal Maintenance, formerly known as alimony

New York uses a formula to calculate temporary spousal maintenance. Factors include the length of the marriage, each spouse’s present and future earning capacity, the standard of living established during the marriage, age and health of both parties, and the division of marital property.

Not every divorce involves spousal maintenance. The philosophy of spousal maintenance is to allow the less monied spouse the space and resources to acquire skills to provide for themselves on their own. This differs from the concept of alimony, which is to maintain the lifestyle of the marriage.

3. Child Support and Custody

If there are children of the marriage, the court will assign both a). legal custody, which is the decision-making authority regarding health, education, and welfare, and b) physical custody, which is where the child primarily resides. New York courts determine custody based solely on the best interests of the child. Under the court’s analysis, neither parent is presumed better than the other for the child. In fact, the court has repeatedly found that it is in the best interest of the child to have a strong relationship with both parents.

Child support follows New York’s Child Support Standards Act, which uses a formula based on the combined parental income up to a cap that is currently set at $163,000, though courts can exceed the cap based on certain factors. The court considers the percentage of each parent’s income, the number of children, childcare expenses, healthcare costs, and educational needs.

The Cost of the Legal Process: Attorney Fees and Strategic Choices

Divorce is expensive. There’s no way around that reality. Attorney fees for uncontested divorces typically range from $5,000 – $10,000 in New York. This is an estimate based on the parties having no disagreements about the terms of the divorce. Contested divorces can cost significantly more, depending on complexity, level of conflict, and whether the case proceeds to trial. Add to attorneys’ fees court filing fees, process server fees, and potential costs for expert witnesses.

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of practice. The parties can make this journey considerably less expensive by narrowing the issues of conflict.

Every point of disagreement extends the process and the cost. Battles over furniture, arguments about whose fault for the failed marriage, and refusals to compromise on minor issues all add billable hours. When the process focuses on matters that do not move forward the legal framework of economic dissolution described above, the cost rises without the benefit of hastening resolution.

Attorneys bill for phone calls, emails, letter drafting, document review, negotiations, court appearances, and research. The meter is always running. I tell my clients that if you have my focus and attention, I am billing time. Use your billable hours judiciously. Obviously, we cannot control how contentious the other side makes the divorce, so some of this is out of the control of an individual party. But it is worth trying not to fight over the things that will not bring the divorce process to a legal close.

You should always be asking, is this a legal conflict, meaning one that the court can resolve, or is this emotional that cannot be resolved by the court?

Does it fit in the legal framework?

If not, you need a different forum to deal with the issue. I guarantee therapists and other services offering divorce support and solutions, including private coaches and divorce support groups, are less expensive and have the appropriate skills to address the emotional challenges of divorce. Courts and attorneys operate within the confines of the legal framework. I cannot over-emphasize this point.

If you can agree on most issues and contest only what truly matters in the legal realm, like the amount of spousal support, or the division of a particularly valuable asset, or the custody schedule, you can dramatically reduce legal costs.

But, this doesn’t mean capitulating on everything. It means being strategic. Bottom line ask: “Is this issue worth $2,000 in legal fees to fight over?” Sometimes the answer is yes. Often, it’s no.

For smart, healthy steps to support yourself, legally and emotionally (divorce is, after all, a holistic life crisis), read SAS’ powerful divorce checklist.

Contested vs. Uncontested: Two Very Different Paths

Uncontested – When both parties agree on all major issues, property division, child custody and visitation, child support, and spousal maintenance, from filing of divorce to executed settlement can take as little as 3-6 months. Keep in mind the divorce is not final until the court enters a judgment of divorce, and neither the attorney nor the parties have any control over how long the court takes to sign the judgment of divorce. However, you still have an agreement that both sides must abide by. The parties cannot remarry until the judgment of divorce is signed and entered by the court. The settlement agreement does control the financial division of the parties. The costs of these types of uncontested divorce cases are significantly less because they require no court appearances and minimize court intervention beyond review of the executed settlement agreement.

Contested Divorce – When parties disagree on one or more significant issues, the case becomes contested. These divorces typically take 12-18 months or longer to reach the agreement stage. This means there could be multiple court appearances, involve extensive discovery, include pre-trial conferences and potential mediation, may proceed to trial, and create substantially higher legal fees.

Many cases start contested and become uncontested as negotiations progress. Your initial filing status doesn’t determine your ultimate path.

Essential Pieces to the Divorce Process

Hire experienced counsel. A knowledgeable New York matrimonial attorney is your compass through this process. The law is complex, the procedures technical, and the stakes high.
Follow automatic orders strictly. Violations can result in contempt, fines, and adverse rulings that impact your final settlement.
Meet all deadlines. In New York divorce proceedings, deadlines matter. Missing a filing deadline or response period can result in default or other serious consequences.
Complete your Statement of Net Worth honestly and thoroughly. This document is sworn testimony. False statements carry civil and criminal penalties and destroy your credibility with the court.
Communicate civilly. Particularly if you have children. You will still be a family on the other side of this journey. This family will just look different than it does today. Hostility prolongs proceedings, increases costs, and damages everyone, especially children. Consider using Family Wizard, a valuable and constructive communication app for moving forward in coparenting communications.
Prioritize the best interests of your children. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, shield children from conflict, and don’t discuss divorce disputes with your children, no matter their age. While clearly better for your children in the long run, it is also legally better for you as the court disfavors any attempts at parental estrangement or alienation.
Stay organized. Keep copies of all documents, track all financial transactions, save all communications, and maintain a timeline of events.
Be strategic about conflict. Choose your battles. Not every disagreement warrants a legal fight.
Set realistic expectations. Divorce takes time. The process is frustrating, expensive, and emotionally draining. Accepting this reality helps you pace yourself for the duration.

The Destination Ahead

The journey no one wants to take is also a journey that thousands successfully complete every year. The first 90 days after filing for divorce in New York are often the most disorienting because the path is new, the emotional terrain rough, and the destination still unclear. Yet with each day, with each deadline met, with each difficult conversation navigated, you move forward.

As a New York attorney who has guided countless clients through this process, I can tell you that what I’ve witnessed time and again is that this journey, though unwanted and often painful, leads somewhere better. Not immediately. Definitely, not immediately. Not without struggle and many challenges. But eventually and inevitably, there is a resolution, a finality to this journey. Many of my clients tell me that after the journey, once they have moved through the legal process and do the personal work in their divorce recovery, they find a place of peace, stability, and, I know it seems shocking to consider in the beginning, but even gratitude for having made the passage.

NOTES

I hope this unusual travel guide (for a place no one wants to go) illuminates the path for the first few months of the process. If you live in the New York City area and are starting your divorce journey, I would be happy to provide a 15-minute free consultation to discuss the specifics of your situation.

Please contact me at Jeni@carolynparrylaw.com.

This guide pertains exclusively to divorce law and procedures in New York State. The information provided is for educational purposes and does not constitute legal advice. Each divorce case is unique, and you should consult with a qualified New York matrimonial attorney regarding your specific situation.

If you’re contemplating or dealing with divorce, remember SAS for Women. Since 2012, we’ve been helping women consider … navigate … and rebuild after divorce.

Options include educational programs, divorce groups, virtual events, private specialized coaching, and a FREE 6-month, weekly coaching letter dedicated to your journey.

SAS also provides a free website with 400+ articles focused on the woman’s journey through the crisis.

Finding out how others survive and go on to lead full, meaningful lives after a divorce is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Trust us.

Be connected and join our tribe now.

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”

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