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Amicable Divorce

What is an Amicable Divorce? 5 Ways to Ensure One

When seeking a divorce, many couples do everything within their power to simplify the process. And the simplest solution is an amicable divorce, which may significantly facilitate the overall proceedings.

And yet, it may not be that easy to reach an agreement regarding all your divorce-related issues, especially following a heated breakup. Nevertheless, there are several ways to ensure a peaceful divorce. So without further ado, let’s review the amicable divorce definition and learn ways to divorce amicably.

What Is an Amicable Divorce?

Some couples choose to proceed with an amicable divorce, meaning they both agree to the terms and conditions, including marital property division, spousal support (alimony), child custody and support, visitation, etc. It is much easier to go through a divorce if the spouses manage to avoid litigation and create a divorce settlement agreement.

Amicable divorce has gained popularity because it saves time and money on costly attorneys and allows spouses to save their nerves by avoiding lengthy and exhausting fights.

Several Approaches to an Amicable Divorce

Those couples considering an amicable divorce may look into several options for their divorce, which include:

  • Uncontested Divorce
  • Collaborative Divorce
  • Mediation Divorce
  • Do It Yourself (DIY) Divorce, or
  • Therapist Counseling

Let’s take a closer look at each option.

Uncontested Divorce

An “uncontested divorce” implies that it is handled out of court by the spouses themselves. In this case, they sort out their divorce-related issues amicably and come up with a Marital Settlement Agreement.


For more, read our “What’s the Difference between an Uncontested Divorce and a Contested Divorce?”


Collaborative Divorce

Such a divorce is handled out of court when soon-to-be-ex spouses agree to negotiate while retaining separate counsel. This way, the couple saves time and money and keeps their divorce process fast and straightforward. Being able to reach an agreement without the judge involved shortens the process. In addition, if the spouses decide to hire their own lawyers, they may facilitate communication.

Mediation Divorce

This option implies that the parties resolve their divorce-related issues out of court but with the help of mediation services. A mediator is a neutral third party who assists the couple in their disputes. Unlike lawyers, a mediator’s key challenge is to ensure an open dialogue between the parties to move towards a mutually-beneficial agreement.


To consider what you might be doing (and how to sequence steps), check out our “55 Must-Do’s on your Modern Divorce Checklist.”


Do It Yourself (DIY) Divorce

Sometimes called the Kitchen Table Approach, a DIY Divorce is the cheapest option, as it doesn’t require any expensive legal assistance. In a DIY divorce, spouses agree to all their post-divorce arrangements and proceed with their divorce without attorneys. Considering it may be challenging to handle the whole divorce process without legal assistance, spouses can consider an online divorce that provides some structure to the process and helps facilitate the paperwork and filing stage of their divorce.


Read more here: “How Does An Online Divorce Work? And Should You Get One?”


Therapist Counseling

And last but not least, therapist counseling may be a wise decision for couples who are willing to keep their communication efficient to facilitate an amicable agreement. This option is best if the divorce is preceded by heated arguments and strong emotions. The therapist will be able to cool things down between the spouses and encourage a friendlier divorce.

5 Tips on How to Navigate an Amicable Divorce

The right path to an amicable divorce is to keep things respectful and calm. Almost every divorce starts with finger-pointing; however, it doesn’t have to be this way. To ensure a peaceful divorce, the spouses must clearly understand the benefits of the amicable process, such as: saving time and money, protecting the children from conflicts and toxic co-parenting, avoiding lengthy and exhausting litigations, and promoting better mental health for everybody in the family, etc.

Here are 5 tips on how to have an amicable divorce.

#1. Get qualified assistance if you need one

Once you’ve decided that you want an amicable divorce, it’s essential to ensure you have all the tools you need. For some couples, handling their emotions and feelings can become the biggest challenge when negotiating the terms of their amicable divorce settlement.

Thus, it may be wise to seek qualified assistance for your divorce process to go smoothly, whether it’s consulting with a divorce coach to ensure the healthiest steps are taken and in the right order, hiring a divorce lawyer to provide legal advice, considering mediation services to improve the communication between you and your spouse, or just looking for a therapist.

Sometimes a third party allows the couple to keep things civil. But, all in all, it’s much easier to handle your divorce papers when you can ensure that everything is discussed and settled fairly.

#2. Keep your expectations realistic

The word “amicable” doesn’t necessarily mean an easy divorce. Its complexity is totally up to both spouses. So prepare yourself for it and get ready for what you may face.

Some couples find counseling in a therapist’s office handy for navigating the expectations of their divorce process. In addition, counseling can significantly help the spouses prepare for co-parenting after the divorce. Let the therapist work out your feelings and prepare you for a realistic divorce with all its consequences.

A therapist may also help you avoid getting carried away by old grudges and bottled-up feelings while making arrangements for your divorce settlement agreement. After all, it’s only reasonable that your agreements are just and fair and mutually beneficial. And to achieve this, you have to keep your feelings in check and your mind sound.

#3. Work through the terms of your settlement agreement with respect

In some cases hiring a divorce lawyer to handle your divorce negotiations can be a mistake. Some divorce lawyers are qualified to handle an amicable divorce, whereas others tend to go after confrontational and downright hostile proceedings.


This means you must understand the reputation of the lawyer you hire.  Make sure you ask the lawyers you interview how many cases they settle in a year and how many require their going to court. For more smart questions to ask a divorce attorney, visit our important piece: “Questions to Ask a Divorce Attorney at a Consultation.”


Of course, when you’re negotiating the terms of your settlement agreement, you should keep your interests in mind. However, it doesn’t mean that there is no place for compromise. On the contrary, keeping your relationship civil and respectful and getting along during the negotiation process is much more crucial in the long run.

This is particularly relevant for those spouses with children. No one will benefit from you and your spouse becoming mortal enemies, and what’s more, it may end up being incredibly traumatizing for your kids. It’s best to remember dignity and respect and get qualified assistance if your negotiations get out of hand.

#4. Focus on your child’s needs

Amicable divorce with a child can become rather challenging as it involves lots of arrangements. Child custody, child support, and visitation (parenting time) must be resolved considering the child’s best interest. And spouses looking for a fast and straightforward divorce should be ready to reach an agreement out of court, as child custody issues may prolong the litigation significantly if handled by the court.

The goal of an amicable split is to keep the divorce uncomplicated, even with custody issues. Typically, the spouses need to sit down and discuss paragraph by paragraph which arrangement will work best for their children to provide a healthy and stable environment.


Determining child custody can be the most challenging aspect of the divorce process. It’s important to know the facts in order to take the necessary steps to achieve what’s best for you and your children. Read our “Best Advice on Custody for Divorcing Moms.”


If it seems impossible to agree on some custody issues, the couple may hire mediation services. The mediator will help them keep the negotiations reasonable and mutually beneficial regarding the child’s wellbeing.

#5. Negotiate the terms of your divorce agreement in good faith

Engaging in “good faith negotiations” is the best you and your spouse can do to end the marriage in a good place. A good faith negotiation means that both spouses have nothing to hide and are willing to reveal all relevant financial information.

When you separate from your spouse amicably, it is much easier to be frank about your assets, debts, income, bank accounts, etc., which simplifies the negotiation process. In addition, openness will allow you to tackle all the existing issues such as marital property division, alimony, custody, or anything else without any obstacles along the way

The amicable divorce process is not a myth, yet it’s not the easiest procedure. When an amicable divorce with no assets or kids involved takes place, it may save you an incredible amount of time and money, so long as you’re willing to cooperate. There are no issues that cannot be resolved, whether independently or with the help of a lawyer, mediator, or therapist. An amicable divorce requires effort, but it will be worth it in the end.

Notes

Jamie Kurtz is a divorce lawyer and a member of the LA County Bar Association and the State Bar of California. She’s a co-founder of a law firm dealing with uncontested divorces and a contributing writer for OnlineDivorce.com, an online divorce papers preparation service.

Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusion afterward. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

Public Divorce Records

Public Divorce Records: How to Protect Your Privacy

Privacy is a topic of concern for many, especially as the world moves further into the digital era. Many aspects of our lives are searchable, sometimes even without our knowledge, as certain information is considered public domain. Knowing this, the concern for privacy can make going through a divorce that much more difficult to endure. A public divorce can hinder our ability to feel in control of sensitive information, as anyone can legally find the details of legal court proceedings.

Unfortunately, this means that divorce filings are considered public record, and divorce hearings are open to the public.

This also means that aside from personal identifiers, such as Social Security numbers which must be redacted, any information contained in divorce filings can be found in these documents.

This can become a major point of concern if a spouse reveals private information about their partner or if children are involved in the divorce.

Fortunately, it is still possible to maintain a level of privacy during such a difficult time. Below are some strategies that can help protect your and your family’s privacy during a divorce.

The Decision to File Divorce Records Under Seal

To protect divorce documents from becoming public records, both spouses must ask the court to file the records in the case under seal. When this happens, confidential or sensitive information will be kept private and will not become accessible to the public. Courts have the ability to order entire records or portions of documents to be filed under seal.

It is important to note that courts will not file records under seal automatically. Either or both parties to the divorce must request that the court seal them. The judge has the discretion to decide whether this request will be granted, with special attention given to cases that involve children, abuse, substance issues, or potential libel. The judge will consider whether the potential damage to the party or parties making the request outweighs the public policy to keep court records accessible to the public.


Confused and overwhelmed? Check out “Getting Through Divorce: How to Keep Your Head Straight.”


Reasons for Sealing Divorce Records

There are many reasons why you may want to keep your divorce filings private. Some of the most common reasons include:

  • The need to protect a child’s identity in the divorce records
  • The need to protect victims of domestic or sexual violence
  • The need to protect proprietary business information

If you are a public figure, you may also want to seal divorce records to protect your reputation and prevent any damage to your public image through the exposure of false allegations. However, embarrassing information on its own may not be enough to convince a court to seal divorce records from the public.

Why Divorces are Generally Public

The primary reason that divorces are public is to maintain a level of transparency in court proceedings. The public is able to see what occurs in the courts through access to these court records. They can also see what information may drive a certain court’s decision. In an effort to maintain a positive and transparent relationship with the public, court filings must remain accessible.

If you are requesting that the court seal your divorce records, you must be able to demonstrate the damage you would suffer if the records were to be made public. You must then demonstrate that this damage outweighs the public’s right to open court records.

The court must agree that these two elements have been met to exercise its discretion to seal the records. A knowledgeable divorce attorney can work with you to prepare a request to seal your divorce records and help you demonstrate the losses you would face if the records were made public.


For more things to know and take care of (lest you be caught by surprise), read “55 Must-Do’s on Your Modern Divorce Checklist.”


Tailoring Requests for Sealed Divorce Records

When requesting to seal divorce records, it is important to make sure that the request is narrowly tailored, which means only asking to seal the potentially damaging information. Generally, courts will only seal as much information as is required to protect the privacy interests in question. This may result in redacting portions of a divorce filing rather than sealing entire documents.

Narrowly tailored requests to seal divorce records have a better chance of approval than requests to seal all documents filed in a case.

It is important to clearly state your privacy concern and ask the court to redact or seal the specific information related to it rather than make a blanket request to seal the entire record based on vague privacy concerns.

Using Mediation or Arbitration for Privacy

In many cases, the best way to protect your privacy is to come to an agreement with your spouse before filing in court to request a divorce. Mediation to settle a divorce can keep sensitive information out of the public eye and safe from scrutiny. A mediator can help divorcing spouses to negotiate a settlement, resolve any disputes, and guide discussions during the divorce. If an agreement is reached at mediation that leads to a written settlement agreement, the only documents that will be filed in court are papers to request a divorce and the written agreement. The agreement can be drafted to exclude sensitive information.

Mediation is a great solution to settle a divorce while minimizing your time spent in court. Using this method, you can keep information regarding assets and finances as well as sensitive information regarding children out of official court records.


Considering reading “6 Essentials for Preparing for Mediation.”


Private divorce arbitration is another way to resolve a divorce out of court. Private arbitration is almost identical to a regular trial in court. The difference is that a private arbitrator—who are often retired judges—will adjudicate the parties’ divorce in private. The arbitrator will then issue a decision, which can be tailored to exclude sensitive information. That decision will then be incorporated into the court’s judgment of divorce.

Privacy from Your Spouse

Some people may be less concerned with their divorce being public information and more worried about their spouse accessing their private information. To prevent any of your private information from getting into the wrong hands, it is a good idea to change your passwords for personal accounts. This will prevent others from accessing sensitive data.

Keeping private documents from your spouse during a divorce may also be something to consider. If you still live with your spouse during the divorce, consider storing documents in a lockbox or safe or in a location outside the home.

Another important aspect to consider during a divorce is social media. Attorneys will frequently use social media posts in divorce proceedings. Images and posts may become part of the public record which can be a point of concern to those who want to maintain their privacy as much as possible. Revealing too much on social media can cause issues in the divorce process, whether it be settling or litigating the divorce. This is why it is important to be very careful with what you post to maintain as much privacy as possible.


Settling or litigating? Understand “What’s the Difference Between an Uncontested and Contested Divorce?


Final Thoughts

If you’re worried about the private contents of your divorce proceedings becoming public record, there are some options available to you. Requests to seal parts of your divorce records will be more likely to be accepted by the judge if they are narrow in scope and can demonstrate that harm would be done if made public. If those harms outweigh the public right to information, the judge will likely grant your request. Typically, this is when proceedings include minors (children), infidelity, or other personal information that could tarnish one’s reputation if made public.

Notes

Work with an Attorney You Trust: Going through a divorce can be incredibly stressful. It is important to find an attorney you trust to handle your case and help you get the privacy you want. At Moskowitz Law Group LLC, we are committed to ensuring that you are taken care of during your divorce. Our dedicated team can guide you through the divorce process and take some of the stress off of you during this difficult time. Take action to protect your privacy by contacting an experienced legal professional today.

 

Whether you are thinking about divorce, dealing with it, or recreating the life you deserve, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice to not do it alone. Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional, financial, and oftentimes complicated experience of breaking up and reinventing. 

SAS offers all women six free months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you—and your precious future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

 

What is a Contested Divorce?

What is a Contested Divorce?

When making the decision to divorce, it can be uncomfortable, overwhelming, and downright scary. During a period of time in which you need wise counsel and support from loved ones, it is commonplace to be bombarded with the divorce horror stories of others, which then restrict your ability to make a truly informed decision that serves your best interests. For example, perhaps an aggressive and litigious lawyer represented the husband of your best friend? That lawyer caused things to get nasty. Or maybe the judge assigned to your neighbor’s case was biased, disgruntled, and disinterested, and the divorce outcome was unfair as a result? Of course, one of the most common complaints is that the contested divorce costs tens of thousands of dollars and that the only individuals who benefitted, in the end, were the attorneys. 

If you find yourself in this place of fear, which is quite natural, by the way, please take a very deep breath and perhaps a sip of your coffee or tea and allow me to clear up some divorce misinformation. 

I am here to tell you that although divorce is a significant and complicated life transition, many cases can be (and are each day) resolved in a manner that does not resemble those professed horror stories. In fact, believe it or not, the vast majority of divorce cases do not go to court. They are ultimately “uncontested”, even the “crazy” ones, in my experience.

Defining the “Contested Divorce”

What is the difference between a “contested” and “uncontested” divorce, you ask? 

A contested divorce is one whereby the divorcing parties are unable to resolve their divorce issues, such as the division of assets and debts, alimony, child support, and custody of the minor children, and must look to a Judge to make the determination. 

Put more succinctly, a contested case means litigation–preparing for and going to Court for a final trial. 

The preparation part can include countless different and costly legal measures, such as sending out subpoenas for the production of documents; taking depositions of not only the parties, but multiple witnesses; hiring experts to perform investigations and weigh in on various financial and/or child custody matters; and, participating in countless meetings with the attorneys to ensure the case is fully prepped for trial. It is an arduous, emotional, and expensive process, which could span the length of years (especially during this period of the pandemic when Court resources are limited but remain in high demand).

Defining “Uncontested Divorce”

On the other hand, an uncontested divorce is resolved by the parties themselves, with the help and guidance of their attorneys, and in many cases, through the use of other resources, such as mediators, parent coordinators, co-parenting counselors, and financial professionals. 

The court is not off-limits in an uncontested divorce case. Judges can be relied upon to resolve temporary issues (such as, who is going to live in the marital residence during the legal proceedings?). 

Nevertheless, in an uncontested divorce, it is the divorcing couple who is ultimately responsible for settling the case.

An uncontested divorce does not necessarily mean that everything is going to be a bed of roses throughout the divorce process and negotiation. After all, you are divorcing your spouse for a reason. Also, it’s worthy to note that every legal case begins as one that is technically “contested”, and it’s not until the parties sign on the dotted line of a settlement agreement that the matter can then be labeled as “uncontested”. The point is, there is still serious work involved in achieving an uncontested divorce, as well as a big dose of perspective and compromise. 


If divorce is likely in your future, you’ll want to consult our ultimate list for a woman, “The 55 Must Do’s on Your Modern Divorce Checklist.”


Assessing Marital Estate and Assets

Divorces cannot reasonably be resolved until there is a clear picture by both parties and the attorneys of the value of the marital estate, and sometimes, the circumstances may be such that one or both parties may be mentally unready to discuss the resolution of a child custody matter until a third (3rd) party neutral, such as a Guardian Ad Litem or child therapist, makes a recommendation. In other words, there are certain legal measures that are taken by the parties and their attorneys, irrespective of a matter being contested or uncontested. But that is par for the course in divorce, and your attorney should be very well equipped to manage this and to significantly lighten the burden that you would otherwise feel if you were unrepresented. 

The Benefits of Uncontested Divorce

The genuine appeal of uncontested divorces is that they are significantly less expensive than contested divorces, as the attorney’s fees associated with trial preparation are largely avoided; the life of the uncontested case tends to be shorter because of the need for depositions, Motions hearings, and other pre-trial measures are lessened. And, in the context of uncontested divorce cases, the degree of stress, acrimony, and emotional output is typically reduced (#understatement), and it will be much less awkward to see your Ex in years to come at graduations, weddings, and the hospital when grandchildren are born. In short, the benefits of an uncontested divorce versus a contested divorce are considerable.

Should you attempt to avoid litigation and pursue an uncontested divorce? Absolutely. 

For the benefits described above, that should be the goal of any party or attorney in entering the case. Of course, it takes two to tango, and there are occasions where an exceptionally unreasonable and litigious spouse will require a trial. 

However, what can be done to strengthen the likelihood that your divorce case will reach the uncontested finish line? 

The most significant piece of advice I can give to someone who is hopeful for an uncontested divorce is to not sweat the small stuff. Rather, focus on the bigger picture, which is working towards a divorce that maximizes your financial security, yet balances that against your happiness and mental stability and the happiness and mental stability of your children. 

That means, when your husband brings the children back to you fifteen (15) minutes later than he was supposed to, not treating the situation as though he did not return the children to you at all. Or, if your husband’s appraisal for the marital residence comes back at $500,000, but you are convinced the house is worth $550,000, choosing to be reasonably flexible as to the value rather than to dig your heels in. When you demonstrate some grace and flexibility, you, in turn, find that your spouse is more inclined to meet you in the middle. This can be easier said than done, given what your husband may have put you through. Keep in mind, however, the bigger picture benefits of settling your case versus going to trial.

Self Care During Your Divorce

Moreover, if at all possible, invest in a regimen of self-care during and after divorce, such as participating in therapy, working with a divorce coach, joining divorce support groups, going to church, exercising, getting a massage, writing in a journal, etc. Find what it is that provides you with a healthy sense of peace and rely on that when the going gets tough. And, an added bonus of self-care–your perspective will be sharper, and you will have a better mindset come negotiation/settlement time.

My final piece of advice, particularly in the context of settlement negotiations, is to analyze the costs and the benefits of pursuing a particular position. For example, is it worthwhile to spend thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees to litigate the issue of child support when you and your spouse are only $100 apart? 


Appreciate how critical the financial part of the divorce truly is to you as a woman. Read: What Divorce Does to a Woman: You and Your Money.


Does it make sense to spend time in mediation, time arguing over $1,000 that is missing from the joint checking account, when the collective hourly rate of the attorneys and the mediator is $1,200? Although you might be justified in taking certain positions in your case, you may find that pursuing justice is outweighed by the costs. In other words, pick and choose your battles, particularly those that are going to produce the biggest benefit to you. 

Final Thoughts

In closing, divorce is a process, or sometimes more aptly put, a rollercoaster. While reaching a divorce settlement might seem like an impossible feat at the moment, there is actually something that you and your husband likely agree upon. That is, an uncontested divorce case is mutually beneficial to you both, and for that reason, you will most likely reach the uncontested finish line eventually.

 

Notes:

In addition to being a single mother to a sweet and sassy four-year-old, Stephanie Wilson is a passionate attorney with fifteen years of experience in the family law arena. Over the course of her career, Stephanie has garnered a reputation for her skilled representation, strong work ethic, solid value system, and focus on the family. She is driven to help her clients achieve the freedom, peace, and happiness that they may have otherwise been missing in their unhealthy or unworkable marriage. Stephanie Wilson Family Law can be found at www.swfamilylawga.com. Stephanie invites those in need of a Georgia divorce attorney to contact her directly at stephanie@swfamilylawga.com to schedule a consultation.

Since 2012, SAS for Women is entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

Public Divorce Records: How Public Are They?

How Public Are Public Divorce Records?

Breakups are awful. They’re painful. They’re exhausting. And they’re deeply personal. Even more so when a breakup is a divorce. So why on earth are there public divorce records to expose your personal business?

The idea of your divorce being out there for the world to see may not have even crossed your mind. Between the flooding emotions, loss, and endless list of must-do’s to get through the process, it’s no wonder.

But alas, there is an aftermath to everything. And not all of it is private.

Part of helping women through the complex divorce process is making sure they’re informed on every matter relevant to them.

Most of the time we’re talking about steps you need to take to find experts in specific areas and abide by mandated deadlines.

But not everything is within your control. And not everything stays private.

Enter public divorce records. What are they? Why are they?

The Basics of Public Divorce Records

As a general rule, court proceedings are matters of public record.

Think of it as the court’s transparency for public scrutiny into decisions made in public courts and how they are reached.

That transparency, as invasive as it may seem, is part of the accountability check on our public court system. In the same way that citizens can attend a hearing in open court, they can also view court records.

Before you panic and worry that all your dirty laundry is going to be on the front page of the newspaper, read on….

There are actually several good reasons for public court records, including public divorce records.

If you ever wanted to change your name on an official ID or document, you may need to provide a divorce decree. Driver’s licenses, titles, and anything else that requires proof that “you are who you say you are” may require it.

Likewise, if you ever decide to remarry, it only makes sense that there is proof that both parties are divorced or single.

A possibility that you may not have considered is an ancestry search. With sites like Ancestry.com simplifying the search for great-great-great-grandma and her immigration story, public marriage and divorce records are vital.

Finally, there may be legal matters related to your divorce that require access to the terms of the decree. Records stored at home may get lost or damaged, so having a permanent, accessible record is important.

When Records Can Be Sealed

Family law, which includes areas like divorce and adoption, is generally more restricted in its public records than civil or criminal cases are. And for good reason.

Names of children and sexual abuse victims, for example, are not made public. The protection of children and victims takes precedence over public rights.

For similar reasons, health records, adoption records, and family or home evaluations are kept confidential.

Likewise, sensitive financial information like tax returns, bank account numbers, and proprietary business information are restricted. The public shouldn’t have access to social security numbers, for example, just because someone is getting a divorce!

If there is libel involved or untrue accusations that could damage a party’s reputation, the court may choose to seal that information.

As a general rule, courts do not initiate the sealing of divorce records. The records are assumed to be matters of public access unless requested and approved otherwise.

You may feel insecure about your personal life having public exposure. But that’s not enough to warrant the sealing of your records.

A judge would have to be convinced that the damage from exposure would outweigh the right to public access.

You or both you and your future ex would have to apply to have your records sealed and wait for the court’s approval. A judge can decide to seal none, some, or all of your divorce records if there is just cause to do so.

The Limits of Sealed Records

Even sealed records are not buried forever, however. If a future legal matter needs access to their content, a judge can order the unsealing of part or all of it.

Celebrities and high-profile people will often have just cause to ask for the sealing of records. But, as a general rule, it’s the exception.

Anyone can find out if and when someone has been divorced. That is always a matter of public record and is simple to find with a name, date of birth, and city of divorce.

If someone wants to delve deeper into the details of a divorce, there are services that can help with that for a fee. The government can also access more in-depth records.

If you have concerns about any or all of your divorce proceedings and their confidentiality, consult with your divorce attorney. An attorney will know how to approach the topic of privacy to ensure the proper redaction of your files.

Maintaining Privacy in Other Ways

Meanwhile, what can you do to help yourself?

Keep a low profile and be prudent about where you share your information. You may need to vent and seek seasoned advice, but social media isn’t the place to do it.

This is one of the reasons a divorce coach and relevant support group can be instrumental to your journey. You are able to get the guidance and support you need in the context of confidentiality.

The idea of public divorce records may seem like the final insult. But you are never as helpless and vulnerable as you might feel at times.

There are qualified experts who deal with these matters every day. And they are ready to help you on this difficult journey.

Find resources you can trust. Then let them get to work on behalf of your best life.

Notes

Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusion afterward. SAS offers six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

Tips for Amicable Divorce

Top 6 Tips for an Amicable Divorce

In the minds of many people, divorce and court trials are inseparable like smoke and fire. A few decades ago, this was the case. Fortunately, there are other options nowadays, namely an amicable divorce, where married couples don’t have to wage war against each other in court.

After the adoption of the no-fault divorce law in 1970, the divorce rate skyrocketed. A 2019 University of Virginia research report revealed approximately 3 divorces per 1,000 married women in the 1960s. In the 70s, this figure rose to 4.5, and 5.5 in the 80s.

These results suggest that divorce was increasingly viewed as a viable option for women; they were feeling more empowered, making more money, and feeling like they had more choices.  In the latter scenario, these divorces can likely be uncontested or amicable.

What is an amicable divorce?

An amicable divorce is not about being best friends with your (soon-to-be) Ex and liking each other. You wouldn’t consider divorce in the first place if your relationship was a loving one.

In the context of ending your marriage, “amicable” means “civilized.” It’s about resolving disputes in a nurturing and productive environment.

A peaceful divorce is actually not that hard to get to if both sides are willing to make an effort. You’ve probably heard of Conscious Uncoupling, for example, or divorce mediation, or Pro Se (DIY) divorces. To learn if one of these alternative processes is right for you, consider these six key steps to ensure a smooth and amicable process–and don’t forget to ask yourself: are you and your spouse capable of them?

1. Have an open mind for negotiation

Honesty and openness are the foundation of a successful negotiation. If one of the parties starts hiding valuable information, assets, income, etc., it’s not going to work. Agree from the very beginning to be truthful about all the aspects of your divorce. Otherwise, all your efforts will be pointless.

SAS note to women: It’s one thing to say you both will be honest, it’s another to know that you both will be. If your spouse has a record of deceiving, betraying or hiding things from you, go for a more traditional approach to divorce. Hire a lawyer who is a good negotiator on your behalf.

Naturally, in any divorce, neither of you will get precisely what you desire. Don’t expect your spouse to agree with everything you suggest just because you think it’s reasonable. Sometimes their point of view may differ from yours, and you’ll have to accept that.

During negotiations, the most vital thing is to stay focused on the key points that hold the most significant interest to both of you. How much money would you need to meet your needs after divorce adequately? Could your spouse (or you) afford to pay alimony (spousal support) and child support? You and your partner need to carefully approach all the details together and make a joint decision. That’s the essence of peaceful negotiations, right?

2. Focus on the desirable result.

Can you remember why you got married in the first place? You were in love and full of hope to walk hand in hand through life until death separates you. Unfortunately, not all of us can reach that distant goal.

Nothing has changed since then except that your goals are now different. Have you already determined what you really want from this divorce? If not, it’s high time to start figuring it out. But if you know where you’re heading, don’t let negative emotions lead you astray.

An amicable divorce is all about attitude. Reduce the tension to a minimum, and keep your eyes on your goal.

Take time to ponder over your life post-divorce. Do you see your Ex in it? After an amicable divorce, many couples remain friends and even sometimes spend time with their children as a family unit. You must agree that such a scenario is more pleasant than fighting endlessly over all sorts of things.

Act based on what is paramount to you and ignore everything else. Work through any disputes peacefully and make sure your communication is positive.

3. Treat each other with respect.

An uncontested divorce is only possible with mutual respect and politeness. Both you and your spouse are adults and can behave accordingly. It’s not as challenging as you might expect.

Start with getting into a positive state of mind and remain focused on keeping calm. Also, listen attentively to your spouse and contemplate their suggestions. Don’t let your emotions take over.

Whenever you feel like losing it to anger, take a deep breath and pause before saying or doing anything. Consider the consequences in the long run–will your current action improve the situation in any way? If not, give it up. Neither you nor your spouse will win if you keep insulting each other instead of resolving disputes.

Show civilized behavior. Don’t badmouth your partner in front of your children and relatives. And especially, don’t gossip about them on social media. You’ll only entertain the public and receive even more negative feelings back. Such actions also won’t help you to maintain an amicable divorce.

4. Think about your children’s needs.

Divorce affects everyone in your family, and especially children. They are very sensitive to any changes in mood and attitude between their parents. Remember yourself in childhood and what acute sensations of the surrounding world you had.

Now imagine how terrifying it is for a child to go through a family breakup. You don’t want to aggravate the situation even more by fighting with the other parent, do you? On the contrary, you want to protect your children and make them feel loved by both you and your ex.

Learn to trust yourself to be a good parent. The same goes for your partner. It’s time to loosen your grip and stop controlling everything and everyone around. Every good parent brings up their children with a position of love and a wish to make their lives happy. You will never be able to communicate well with your ex if you do not trust them with raising children.

And since we have touched on the issue of healthy communication, children need to see their parents find common ground and behave in a civilized manner whenever they meet. It can make a huge difference in a child’s emotional health.

5. Get an educational consultation with an attorney: don’t rush to hire one.

You cannot become your own divorce lawyer fast enough, despite what Google makes you believe. If you are thinking about divorce, and especially if you have children, assets, and/or debt, we encourage you to draw up your questions and consult with an attorney to hear what the law says about your circumstances. Do this before you commit to “how” you will divorce, or even, “if” you will divorce.

After you are informed about the law, you can decide if you will pursue DIY divorce, mediation, an online divorce, or a more traditional approach of you hiring an attorney and your spouse doing likewise.

Consulting with an attorney does not mean you are necessarily getting divorced. It also does not mean you are seeking to be adversarial or un-“amicable.” It means you as a woman are getting educated on your rights and what you are entitled to before you act.

It’s good practice to consult with other experts, too. For example, you may want to keep the house but need to learn if it’s really in your best financial interest. Consult with a financial advisor to learn the optimal longterm play for you (and don’t rely on an attorney for this.) You might consult with a parenting expert if you have concerns on what the best custody arrangement will be or how to support your kids through the divorce. Throughout the process, you might recognize that you are feeling overwhelmed and need to get strategic and healthy in your approach to all things “divorce”, in which case your best move is to schedule a free consult with a divorce coach.

The Legal Takeaway

Keep in mind that in divorce, you won’t always get what you want. The ability to find compromises is what makes a divorce amicable. On the bright side, you will be able to control the outcome by at least 50%. If you go to court, you will have to surrender to the will of the judge.

Do you trust absolute strangers to decide your fate, or do you prefer to do it yourself? Get informed, double check information, and choose wisely. It’s you and your children who will have to live with the consequences, not the lawyers and judges.

6. Forgive and forget.

You probably think, “How can I forget all those times when I was wronged during my marriage? And why should I? Now, I want justice.” Well, guess what? Such an attitude will bring you nothing but more suffering.

There are no winners in divorce. And you won’t feel any better if you keep blaming your marriage breakdown on your partner. Be wiser than that. Does a butterfly think about the time it was a caterpillar? No, it spreads its wings and flies. So, instead of focusing on your past and arguing over it, choose to take action to help yourself recover and move forward. 

Learn how to help yourself grieve the losses you experience, choose to live in the present, and plan for the upcoming future.

Is it worth the try?

An amicable divorce is a conscious choice. It can’t be involuntary, and it doesn’t work for everybody. You have to decide for yourself what type of separation you want and stick to it. Just keep in mind that no matter what method you choose, going down the hateful path only brings more negative feelings into your life. There is always a way to go about any situation productively. You can choose less stress and fewer expenses with a more positive experience by opting for an amicable process.

Jamie Kurtz is a divorce attorney and a member of the State Bar of California. She’s a co-founder of a law company helping people with uncontested divorces and a contributing writer for OnlineDivorce.com, a web-based service for divorce papers preparation.

Since 2012, SAS for Women is entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

Suing the other woman

Suing the Other Woman

A recent lawsuit in North Carolina has called attention to the presence of “the other woman” as a cause of divorce.

There are only six states left where a woman (or man) can file this kind of lawsuit—the other five being Mississippi, South Dakota, Hawaii, New Mexico and Utah. The legal suit, termed “alienation of affection” and its precedent dates back to the 1800s when women were still considered property. Initially, only men could make such a claim. That right shifted later to married women as well, but most states have repealed the dated laws in part because they were vehicles for revenge, greed, and blackmail. There is also the slipperiness of trying to litigate what makes a good marriage. Even the most practiced lawyer might find that tying the ideals of partnership, commitment, respect, and trust to the pragmatic iron of money is a bit like trying to put the mercury back into the thermometer.

In the case of N.C. residents Elizabeth Clark vs. Adam Clark (U.S. Army Major, Special Forces) and Dr. Kimberly Barrett (U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel and an ob-gyn at Womack Army Medical Center), the questions of infidelity and revenge include both the plaintiff and defendant. Both Clarks cheated on each other during their marriage, but later renewed their vows and went to marriage counseling. Regarding the issue of revenge, the former Mrs. Clark sought and won punitive damages against Barret for alienation of affection.

Details of The Clark v. Clark Case

The motivation for seeking these damages may have had more to do with child support than revenge, as Major Clark allegedly refused to pay most of it on behalf of the two children the couple had together. In retaliation, Clark posted nude pictures of his now-ex-wife on dating web sites, along with the claim that she had sexually transmitted diseases. Aside from being against the military code of conduct and behavior unbecoming of an officer, these were pictures that Clark had sent to her husband while they were married. He had been the only recipient—the only one, that is, before he made them public and publicly humiliating.

Revenge and punishment make up one aspect of the Clark v. Clark case.

Another is the question of property—begging the question addressed in some articles of whether it is possible to steal a spouse as a thief might steal a car or necklace. Marriage does involve property, but holding to the idea that such lawsuits are not valid from a humanist/feminist perspective because they sustain the antiquated, demeaning idea that the spouses themselves are property is one-dimensional. A more accurate interpretation is that this is far less about property than it is about a spouse violating a contract—that promise to love and cherish that are typically part of the marriage vows.

The Other Woman

It is not the “Other Woman” who made that vow; it is the spouse who is responsible for his (or her) end of that stick.

So why should a spurned wife go after the other woman for punitive damages—an action characterized as simply revenge, just a way to lash out at her for being his new choice?

The spouse breaks the vow; why should the other woman be on the hook for a promise he made? Because, in making the decision to get involved with and pursue a lasting relationship with a married man, the other woman is an agent of that contract violation.


If you are dealing with infidelity, consider reading What to Do With Your Cheating Spouse


She may not have made any promises to the wife of her lover, and she may not have signed a non-compete clause, and he may have cheated with someone else if he hadn’t with her.

But the fact remains: she helped him cheat.

There are grey areas, of course, and love does make things messy with some frequency. Occasionally, the spouse who is being betrayed is venal or toxic or has some other aspect of character that their mate finds unsustainable and unlivable. People are also organic; they change and grow, and the partners who once fit now don’t, and both of you may now fit and feel better with someone else. The other woman may have been one agent of a marriage’s demise, but there are almost certainly others, and it is not often appropriate or healthy to blame her. One could make intellectual and spiritual arguments about the role of the “other” in a marriage.

Professional Implications

Cheating may not be illegal in most cases or most states, but it is a question of ethics–particularly for a woman who took the Hippocratic Oath to “abstain from that which is deleterious or mischievous.” (Technically that does only pertain to patients, though). We may not marry the guy or the gal, but when we mess around with a married person, we help them cheat. Grey areas or not, who took the vow or not, that fact does remain.

In the case of Dr. Kimberly Barrett, not only has she made a high-powered, highly educated career out of facilitating the birth of other women’s families, she sat there in the courtroom and watched her lover denounce the love he told his wife he had for her all along. He said out loud on legal record that he lied to her, and Barrett watched with complicity, so that she could avoid responsibility for her participation in the corrosion of another woman’s marriage.

Apparently, the court agreed that she was culpable. On charges of alienation-of-affection, libel and revenge porn, Clark (a Fayetteville bartender) won $3.2 million from her ex-husband and his (new) wife.

Facing Facts

All grey areas, intellectual and spiritual perspectives and angles aside for the moment, it does make you want to ask, “How dare you?” to both parties, as Annette Benning’s character in the new movie Hope Gap says to that other woman, after her husband of 29 years tells her he is leaving her for his new love.

Not only did Clark cheat on his wife (as have hundreds of thousands of other spouses, male and female, across the globe), he stood up and testified in court that he never loved her, despite telling her throughout their marriage that he did. Barrett and Clark used the defense that Clark never loved his wife; ergo, Barrett wasn’t guilty of despoiling the sanctity of anything. The court disagreed.

To a sharper point than alienation of affection laws, then, perhaps one should give more focus to making illegal and subject to punitive damages the practice of marrying someone and maintaining that marriage under false emotional pretenses.

Notes:

Jennifer Bent is a freelance writer, former print journalist and feature writer living on the West Coast. Nicknamed Verbose at a young age, she loves word craft but has to keep a short leash on her fondness for the profane. Jennifer enjoys compelling content and the liberty to write about interesting contributors and innovative ideas. Connect with Jennifer at verbosej@hotmail.com 

Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional, financial, and oft times complicated experience of divorce and reinvention. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”

Custody Battle - How to Avoid Custody Issues During a Divorce

What is a Custody Battle and How Do You Avoid One?

A custody battle occurs when divorcing or divorced parents disagree about who should retain legal or physical custody of their children. Unfortunately, this is a common cause of litigation in family court, second only to litigation over support payments.

Custody battles are costly, both emotionally and financially, and can wreak havoc in the lives of the children involved. It’s important to educate yourself about the common causes of custody battles, how to avoid one, how to defend your child’s best interests, and what to do if you must file one.

How is Child Custody Awarded?

Absent any evidence that a parent is unfit, family law judges in most states will apply some form of a “best interests of the child” analysis. They will also factor in the rights of each parent to maintain a relationship with their children.

In determining the best interests of a child, a judge will consider:

  • The child’s age (younger children need more hands-on care);
  • Any evidence of the parenting ability of each parent;
  • What parenting arrangement will maintain a consistent routine for the child;
  • How any proposed change will impact the child’s current routine or lifestyle;
  • The child’s wishes, if the child is mature enough;
  • What parenting arrangement best protects the child’s physical safety and emotional well-being.

Historically, family law judges automatically awarded custody to mothers, but this is not the case today. Unless there are compelling reasons not to, judges will award parents joint legal custody, and either joint physical custody or physical custody with one parent, the other to have liberal parenting time.

When one parent wants to change the custody arrangement for any reason, they may choose to go to court. If the other parent disagrees, this is what is called a “custody battle.”

What Happens in a Custody Battle?

In a custody battle, also called a “custody dispute,” one parent seeks to change the child custody arrangement by filing a motion in family court and seeking a court order. The reasons parents need to do this may vary and can be any of the following.

One parent is:

  • Unfit
  • Emotionally abusive or absent
  • Physically or sexually abusive
  • A drug or alcohol abuser
  • In a living environment that is unsafe for any reason
  • Suffering from mental health problems
  • Unable to financially support the children
  • Attempting to alienate the children from the other parent

With the help of a good divorce attorney, the plaintiff parent must prove that for whatever reason, the children’s well-being is endangered by the defendant parent. “Well-being” includes physical safety as well as emotional and educational nurturing. Defendant parents often bring a counter-suit alleging that the plaintiff parent is unfit.

It’s important to know that the plaintiff parent faces an uphill battle to persuade the court that the defendant parent should not have custody of the children, because the law favors joint custody and the rights of parents to have relationships with their children.

Custody battles can be drawn-out and expensive. Not only will you pay court fees and ongoing attorney fees, but you will probably pay fees to experts for their evaluation and testimony, and perhaps fees to investigators. Custody battles also take an emotional toll on the entire family, especially if the children themselves have to testify. Pitting children against their parents in court can cause life-long emotional damage.


Wondering how to coparent when you absolutely “hate” your Ex? You’ll want to read our post about coparenting with an ex you hate.


How Can I Avoid a Custody Battle?

A parent having sole or joint custody of their children can try to avoid a custody battle by allowing their coparent the custody or parenting time ordered and by doing their best to cooperate and collaborate with their coparent.

Unfortunately, disputes arise. Your coparent may disagree with your parenting style or decisions you make and may make an allegation of abuse or unfitness, even if untrue. In this case, you will not be able to avoid a custody battle.

Consult with an attorney if your coparent files a custody dispute. Although your coparent must satisfy a high burden of proof of parental unfitness, you will need to assert your rights immediately. In cases where abuse of any kind is alleged, your children can be taken from you before it is proven in order to protect the children from possible harm.

What to Do if Your Coparent Alleges You Are Abusing Drugs or Alcohol

If you have a history of drug or alcohol use, this does not automatically make you unfit to parent your children. You should gather evidence that you have sought treatment and have been successfully treated for drug or alcohol dependency. This evidence can include proof of attending rehabilitation and negative drug or alcohol tests. Agreeing to continued drug or alcohol testing will help you retain custody of your children.

What to Do if Your Coparent Alleges You Suffer From Mental Illness

If you have a history of mental illness, this does not necessarily mean you are unfit to parent your children. You should gather evidence that you have recovered or are being successfully treated. This evidence can include the testimony or affidavits of psychologists or psychiatrists or the testimony or affidavit of the doctor who prescribes your medication.


How do you feel anchored when you are thinking about divorce and also spinning with all the information and unanswered unknowns? Check out “Overthinking When to Leave Your Husband.”


I Want Sole Custody of My Children, What Can I Do?

If you feel that the best interests of your children dictate that you have sole custody, you must file a custody dispute. Be advised that this will be expensive and may take months if your coparent defends.

Gather evidence that shows your coparent is unfit. If the reasons your coparent is unfit include any form of abuse, such as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse of your children, contact your local police and file a report. This can expedite the removal of the children from the coparent’s care and keep them safe while the court decides whether or not to change the custody arrangement.

Although a custody battle can be expensive and ugly, sometimes you cannot avoid one. Put your feelings aside about your partner as a spouse and ask yourself, is s/he generally a good parent? If so, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that your children deserve equal time with him/her. On the other hand, do not hesitate to file a custody dispute if you suspect that your children are unsafe or unattended to while in the care of your coparent.

 

About the Author

Veronica Baxter is a blogger and legal assistant living and working in the great city of Philadelphia, USA. She frequently works with Lee Schwartz, a noted child custody lawyer in Philadelphia.

Whether you are navigating the experience of divorce, or that confusing place of recreating the life you deserve, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice to not do it alone. Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional, financial, and oft times complicated experience of divorce and reinvention. 

“A healthy divorce requires smart steps through and beyond the divorce document.” Learn what we mean and what it means for you in a FREE 15-minute consultation.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

How Long Does it Take to Get a Divorce?

Divorce is a process, not simply a stamp of finality. How long does it take to get a divorce? Well, that depends… on factors both within and outside your control.

You may want a divorce yesterday, but even the speediest dissolutions are at the mercy of your state’s divorce laws.

And, even if the court is ready to give you back your maiden name, you and your future ex could drag out the process.

When factoring in the time quotient for getting a divorce, it’s important to recognize and embrace the entire process.

Divorce isn’t a fast-food drive-thru window. There are stages leading up to it and stages coming out of it.

When asking “How long does it take to get a divorce?” you may have only the pragmatic, legal, sign-on-the-dotted line timeline in mind.

But the bigger picture of going through a divorce involves questions like “How long does it take to get OVER a divorce?

That may sound irrelevant when all you want to do is have lawyers and courts—and your future Ex—out of your life. But recognizing the totality of the divorce process will help you make wiser choices in what you do and how you do it.

For example, even if the legal part of your divorce is relatively quick, you may feel as if your divorce takes years. From contemplation to grieving to making lifestyle adjustments, recovering, and healing, the entire process may take three to five years.

And what if you flounder in the contemplation stage, living in marital limbo without taking action?

Even if you find yourself paralyzed in your marriage, unable to move it forward and unwilling to leave, the clock still ticks. And not educating yourself on the process and truths of divorce can keep you in denial and prolong the inevitable.

When You’ve Decided to Proceed with Divorce

But let’s say your mind is made up and you’re determined to follow through with your divorce. Now you need to know how long those flaming hoops are going to take to jump through.

The primary determinants are your state or jurisdiction, your ability to come to agreeable terms with your spouse, and the judge’s schedule.

An uncontested divorce will always be facilitated more quickly than a contested divorce. So, even if you and your spouse could never agree during your marriage, divorce could be a good time to start.

The first thing you should do is familiarize yourself with your state’s divorce laws. Several factors may affect the timing and ease of your divorce, including:

If you have hired a lawyer to help you through the process, s/he will usually need a couple weeks to draw up the petition. And then your spouse will have anywhere from 20 to 60 days to respond after being served.

That means five to 10 weeks just to get the ball rolling, assuming you have met the time requirements mentioned above.

For Help, Turn to Mediators

So, how long does it take to get a divorce once you have filed and your spouse has responded?

Again, that depends.

If you have no children and relatively few (or at least uncomplicated) assets and little debt, you can potentially DIY it. Get the papers online, fill everything out, file, endure your state’s waiting period, and you’re done.

But, if you can’t agree on certain issues, you will need the help of professionals.

If your goal is to stay out of court, mediation can bridge the gap between the DIY divorce and a contested divorce. And it can be especially helpful if you have children or more complexity to your assets.

A mediator can be an attorney or even a therapist well-versed in the applicable laws. What’s important is his/her ability to help the two of you reach an agreeable solution to difficult areas such as custody.

Arbitration involves a third party who weighs both sides of the argument and decides on the settlement. While this approach keeps you out of court and waiting for a court date, it’s still a longer process than an uncontested or mediated divorce.

Finally, if your divorce is turning out to be too contentious for the above choices, there’s always court. And court means waiting for an available date in what may already be a backlogged schedule for the judge.

It also means attorney fees, court fees, and potentially drawn-out negotiations.

There’s the pre-trial. There’s the trial. There are the judge’s rulings that have to be written into court orders.

Then, if there is any disagreement with the rulings, there are appeals.

And, even after everything is agreed to and the judge signs off on your divorce, those rulings have to be carried out. Perhaps the house has to be sold or accounts have to be split or documents have to be changed.

And yes, that can mean months or even years.

You may want to do some research on the details of what happens if your divorce goes to court.

The Takeaway

If you’re starting to squirm and feel a little overwhelmed by all the possibilities, you’re not alone. Millions of women have been where you are, and each has her own story.

Leaning on women who have “been there” can be the best support for navigating this painful, unfamiliar process.

What’s the takeaway from this long answer to your question, “How long does it take to get a divorce”?

The most important realization is that you have more power than you may think you do.

You may feel challenged in exercising that power if your spouse chooses to make things difficult. But you always have the choice and the power to educate yourself and surround yourself with outstanding resources.

Ultimately, the time it takes for your divorce to be finalized will depend on you and your future Ex.

Can you bring the best, most composed, informed, prepared versions of yourselves to the table to advocate for everyone’s well-being and future?

If you can, your divorce will have to answer only to the timeline set forth by your state or jurisdiction.

And that means money and heartache spared… and a head start on your new life.

 

Since 2012 smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional and often times complicated experience of divorce. We invite you to learn what’s possible for you. Schedule you FREE 15-minute consultation with SAS. Whether you are coping with divorce or already navigating your life afterward, choose to acknowledge your vulnerability and choose to not go it alone.

 

Divorce Judgement

What is a Divorce Judgement?

There are many legal documents you may face during the course of the divorce process. These may include those certified or sworn by the parties and the judge’s orders. This article will explain what a Divorce Judgement is as well as what other legal documents you may encounter.

Keep in mind that a Divorce Judgement can also be called a Divorce Decree, a Judgement of Divorce, or a Final Judgement of Divorce. This language depends upon the state in which you file your divorce proceeding. This information about Divorce Judgements is from the office of a busy Philadelphia divorce attorney.

How Does a Divorce Unfold in Court?

How a divorce judgement unfolds legally will depend upon whether you have a contested or uncontested divorce. This is the determining factor of whether or not you go to court. An uncontested divorce is when you and your spouse agree to:

Note: An uncontested divorce can also occur when one party files for divorce and the other party fails to file an Answer or officially acknowledge receipt of the papers.

Uncontested Divorce

Even in an uncontested divorce, it is not common for couples to agree on a solution to every single issue that must be resolved as part of the divorce. This is the work of the divorce attorneys. Their job is to negotiate on behalf of their clients until both parties agree upon terms. If the parties refuse to come to terms, the court may get involved in disputed matters. Regardless, you can expect that an uncontested divorce will finalize much more quickly than a contested divorce. 


To understand more about an uncontested and contested divorce, read How Much Will My Divorce Cost Me, Financially & Emotionally?”


The timeline of the divorce process will vary according to the procedure in each state. However, a couple filing an uncontested divorce can expect to divorce in as little as four or five weeks or as long as a year. This timeline depends upon the family court docket backlog–or how busy they are at your local courthouse

Contested Divorce

A contested divorce is another matter entirely. The term “contested divorce” refers to a divorce proceeding in which the couple adamantly disagrees about any or all of the following: 

  • Whether to get divorced
  • Who was at fault (in an at-fault state)
  • The terms of the property settlement agreement in general
  • What assets are considered community property (in a community property state)
  • The terms of the parenting time arrangement
  • Whether child support should be paid
  • The terms of the child custody arrangement
  • The amount of child support that should be paid
  • Whether spousal support should be paid
  • The amount of spousal support should be paid

The length of time it takes to resolve all of the issues in a contested divorce will vary greatly from case to case. If the parties enter into mediation or arbitration, that may help speed up the process. If the parties cannot agree and must make their arguments to the family law judge and let him or her decide for them, those hearings will proceed as quickly (or as slowly) as the court’s docket allows.

Typically, family law courts are busy. It is not unheard of for a contested divorce to take at least a year to conclude, and in some cases, to drag on for years.

So, a tip to the consumer: when you are asking questions and interviewing lawyers, and feel very strongly about a particular issue, make sure you ask the lawyer how winnable that issue will be for you and what the ballpark cost might be if you have to go to court to win it.

What Legal Documents Arise During a Divorce Proceeding?

The Plaintiff (and his or her attorneys) create the following legal documents:

  • Complaint (or Petition) for Divorce
  • Case Information Statement
  • Certification of Service of Process on Defendant/Respondent

Note: Some states refer to the Plaintiff as the Petitioner.

While you may be the one filing for divorce, it’s possible that you are instead on the receiving end of a divorce filing from your spouse. Don’t panic! Instead, educate yourself about what to do if you are served divorce papers.

These are considered legal documents, and those filing must certify or swear that the information contained within them is true and correct to the best of their knowledge.

What Happens After I File Divorce Papers?

Upon receipt of the filing, the family law judge will then issue a Joint Preliminary Injunction (JPI) preventing either party from selling or giving away marital assets, including the joint bank account. 

Assuming that you are the one filing for divorce, your spouse (the Defendant, or Respondent) will have a certain amount of time to file his or her Answer to the divorce papers (Divorce Judgement). Again, your spouse must certify or swear that the information in their Answer is true and correct.

After receiving the divorce papers, if your spouse agrees with your filing or otherwise fails to file an Answer within the allotted time, the Plaintiff receives a Judgement by Default and a Final Judgement of Divorce. This will include a Child Support Order if needed, a Spousal Support Order if needed, and a Property Settlement Agreement providing for the distribution of the marital assets.

If your spouse disputes your divorce claim or requests different agreement details, he or she must also file a Case Information Statement. This statement discloses their financial situation and must also accompany a Certification of Service of Process.

In a contested divorce where your spouse expressed issues with custody, support, or distribution of marital assets, the court will then issue orders while you negotiate. Once both parties resolve all issues, the court will memorialize them in the Final Judgement of Divorce.

Are There Legal Documents That Come After the Divorce Judgement?

Yes. Additional court orders may occur if disputes continue. Such orders include:

  • A modified Child Support Order
  • Modified Spousal Support Order
  • Modified Child Custody Agreement

If either party is not complying with the agreed terms, the judge might also issue an order for Contempt of Court or an Order to Pay Attorney’s Fees and Costs. Additionally, if a party fails to appear in court, the family law judge may even issue a Warrant for Arrest.

Lastly, if there are allegations of spousal or child abuse or harassment, the family law judge may issue a Temporary Restraining Order or a Final Restraining Order.

In conclusion, a divorce judgement finalizes your divorce but is not the only important legal document stemming from your divorce process. Your divorce judgement also may not be the last legal document governing you and your Ex. If there are disputes over child custody agreement, properties, or support amounts, more documents may follow. Also, if the financial circumstances of either spouse changes, this may affect the divorce agreement.  Lastly, if there are allegations of abuse or harassment, there may be additional court orders following the Final Judgement of Divorce.

 

Notes:

Veronica Baxter is a blogger and legal assistant living and working in the great city of Philadelphia, USA. She frequently works with Lee Schwartz, a noted Philadelphia divorce lawyer.

Since 2012, SAS for Women has helped women face the unexpected challenges of considering divorce and navigating the divorce experience. SAS offers six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.