What is the Average Marriage Length in the USA?
I don’t know about you, but before I got married I never thought about how long my marriage would last. I assumed it would be–––FOREVER. As a little girl, I always imagined that was just how the fairy tale was supposed to go. Let’s just say, I’m much older now and fairy tales don’t look the same as they did in my childhood. I’ve seen my friends battle out their divorces and I became one of the statistics myself. Some will say that marriage isn’t exactly what it used to be and people are rewriting the rules of love and commitment, for better or worse. Let’s unpack the statistics to see how the average marriage length in the USA is changing.
Unpacking the Average Marriage Length in the USA
If the average marriage length in the USA is not forever, then what are the real numbers? Shockingly, the current average marriage length in the USA is about 8 years. That’s right! Almost a decade and not exactly an eternity. That’s just enough time for most people to get through college and grad school if they choose, much less spend those precious years with the love of their life.
Closer examination shows this statistic reflects how modern relationships are evolving. I recall the seven-year itch—and now it seems we’ve gained a year before couples call it quits. The Sopranos series ran from 1999 to 2007, so it’s fair to say our marriages in the USA lasted about as long as Tony’s escapades in New Jersey before things went south.
Back in the old days (as my kids say), most couples stayed in marriages for the long haul––for better or worse.
After all, those are the vows we made, right?
What the Average Marriage Length Reveals About Modern Relationships
In today’s times, marriage seems to be changing into something completely different. So, what does this average marriage length say about our culture? What’s happening to couples where they can no longer stick it out for the long haul? Are we no longer able to navigate the difficult waters of love or do we simply feel like the grass is always greener on the other side?
For a comparison of how things rack up globally, check out “How Many Marriages End in Divorce in the US vs the World.”
Are we trying to create a new modern definition of marriage and if so, how is that affecting our society and our culture? We might simply be redefining what it means to be together as a married couple.
How Marriage Length Has Changed Over Time
My parents were married for thirty-seven years and my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Were their lives easy? No, definitely not. They had more than their fair share of ups and downs, but the option of leaving was never a card they played.
Nowadays, some couples are lucky if they last as long as the latest TikTok dance trend. Couples are beating the divorce statistics if they make it to their 10th aluminum anniversary. I can count on both hands, friends of mine who never made it to their 10th anniversary over the last decade. We’re not in Kansas anymore and this is no longer the 1950’s. The days of Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best are a distant shadow, since the second wave of feminism in the 1960s and 1970s.
Shifting Societal Expectations and the Rise of Divorce Rates
The birth of equality for women came with a lot of applause and a lot of perks––it also changed the trajectory of marriage. Gone are the days when a woman couldn’t make a living for herself and she is no longer seen as subordinate to her husband in society.
Well, in many societies. Let’s face it, women are still not viewed as equals everywhere.
In the US, women began to experience a sense of freedom that made the 1970s and the 1980s a marital revolution with divorce rates skyrocketing.
Why? Because at last women had a choice in their destiny.
Opportunities became endless for many women and we saw an uptick in women unwilling to stay in unhappy marriages. They had more career opportunities and economic independence than ever before, and it became more socially acceptable to part ways if things weren’t working out.
If it’s right for you, check out “Should You Divorce 3 Ways to Know When Divorce is the Only Option.”
The pendulum of marriage has shifted from one side of the spectrum to the other, and it’s fascinating to see the ramifications in our country’s marriage length.
Through our work at SAS, we find that it’s a reminder that love and marriage are as dynamic as we are as individuals.
Women’s Choices and the Modern Marriage
Women used to get married to find a “provider” and it was less about whether or not the couple was truly in love. Women no longer need someone to take care of them, because they are CEOs of major corporations. They are running their thriving businesses. And they are stashing away their cash. Marriage is no longer about financial security for a woman, they are looking for a partner to share their dreams and walk beside them in life.
With each decade, women are rewriting the rulebook on marriage. We are no longer looking at the institution of marriage as a one-size-fits-all mold. Tying the knot has to be right for the individual woman’s life goals and some women are saying they’d rather call it quits than sacrifice their dreams. If the relationship isn’t making you happy, you’re likely to become a part of the walk-away wife syndrome. Today’s couples are prioritizing happiness and personal fulfillment. They are concerned about their mental health.
Read more about your state of mental well-being. Check out ”Reasons to Always Check Your Mental Health in a Relationship.”
Through our work at SAS, we’ve chatted with a few incredible women who shared their experiences of navigating these new dynamics.
Tara said how her decision to go back to school was not supported by her partner, and another described how her thriving career became a point of contention for her relationship’s success.
It’s all about having a partner who’s not just in your corner but cheering you on from the sidelines.
Embracing Your Marriage Journey
Whether your marriage is as amazing as Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward or more like Ben Affleck and J.Lo, there is no one-size-fits-all formula. Marriage is about making it work for you and your partner and taking the magical but challenging journey together wherever it leads. Sometimes it looks like the yellow brick road and other times it can feel more like a twisted, thorny path. What matters is that you have open communication about your feelings and mutual respect for one another.
Don’t play the comparison game and contrast your relationship to others. Your marriage is uniquely yours and you should navigate it accordingly. Celebrate the quirky moments, laugh at the challenges, and cherish the unique path you’re carving together.
Conclusion: The Ever-Evolving Concept of Marriage
As society and culture evolve, people’s opinions about marriage will change, too. The question is, will your idea of marriage remain the same? Some people believe that marriage is forever (barring any possible dangerous circumstances), while others look at marriage more like an experiment to see how it goes. There are a myriad of nuances in between. Nevertheless, the best thing you can do is write your unique love story, with all the special moments and the challenges that make your marriage one-of-a-kind. Whatever the number of years, the marriage journey is a milestone where you can cherish the sweet memories, forget the not-so-good ones, and learn from this unparalleled experience.
NOTES
This article was written by Lori Ann Feeley who loves helping others find hope in the darkest corners of life. She is a freelance writer, adoption advocate, Certified Life Coach, and Founder & CEO of Faith Revolution Creative. Connect with Lori Ann at loriann@faithrevolutioncreative.com.
Since 2012, SAS for Women has been entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward.
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*SAS continues to support same-sex and nonbinary marriage. In this article, however, we refer to your spouse as husband/he/him.
