Why A Good Divorce is Better Than a Bad Marriage
Many couples would rather stay married than face the reality of the unknown that divorce brings. For many, divorce can also lead to feelings of guilt or shame or even failure. And yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you are stuck in a bad marriage, a divorce is the better option for everyone involved, and here’s why.
You Can’t Hide the Truth Forever
When you got married, you probably had a dream in your head and an expectation of where you wanted it to go. This dream may have included a big house, children, a beloved dog, and a golden retirement down the road, perhaps one where you and your partner would enjoy quiet walks along the beach. If this isn’t your life today and there are core issues in your marriage, it’s just a matter of time before you’re going to have to face the truth. When your marriage no longer feels like a partnership, this can have a negative effect on your overall life quality. You may find yourself less motivated or isolated, with greater feelings of negativity and low mood.
If you are wondering whether you should or should not divorce, consider 36 Things to Do If You are Thinking About Divorce.
Regardless of what impression other people may have regarding your marriage, only you know the true reality. You can pretend everything is fine on the outside, but at the end of the day, you’re the one experiencing the truth of the marriage. There comes a time where the only person you are fooling is yourself. Don’t stay because you think you can hide it. You should never stay in a bad marriage because you are worried about what others might say. Again, an unhealthy marriage affects you, not them. Don’t be afraid of making choices that improve your quality of life just because it makes others uncomfortable.
Living your truth will also translate to better, more healthy relationships outside the marriage. Surround yourself with people who accept your truth. Having healthy relationships with others outside the marriage is always important for your well-being.
Living Honestly Is Better for Your Health
Sticking it out isn’t always the best option and doing so can lead to you feeling ill, both mentally and physically. The strain and stress from a bad marriage will take a toll on anyone and can lead to many health issues, such as depression, addiction, anxiety, and even eating disorders. A bad marriage doesn’t need to be one that consists of abuse. It can be a marriage where you cannot be yourself, do not feel authentic, can’t communicate, or aren’t happy no matter how hard you both try.
When you and your partner cannot be your truest selves, you are inviting in other problems that will only worsen the situation. Divorce can be stressful too, but understanding what steps to take can help ease the pressure. Here is what to know before you get divorced.
Never underestimate how damaging stress can be. And when your marriage is the cause of your stress, you cannot expect things to get better as time passes. In time, mental disorders can also lead to physical problems. For instance, eating disorders, reduced immunity, and other issues can also make your heart more susceptible to potentially deadly problems.
Children Sense When Things Are Bad
If you are staying in a bad marriage for the sake of your children, then think again. Your children spend as much time with you as your partner does and they notice things you don’t expect, whether they realize it now or when they get older. If you are both unhappy in the marriage, your kids will know it.
If you stay in a bad marriage, they will grow up thinking this is the right thing to do too and may follow in your footsteps. Consider what advice you would give your child if you knew they were in a bad marriage and follow that advice for yourself. While divorce can have negative impacts on children, it is better to have two separate happy households than one toxic and unhappy one.
Getting a divorce isn’t what anybody dreams of when they marry, but sometimes things don’t work out. You don’t need to stay in a bad marriage when you could go through a good divorce, especially when you both know it’s the right choice.
Greeting Divorce as a Gateway
Getting a divorce is not the end of the world. It’s not worth avoiding just because you fear what others would think of you. You also shouldn’t stay in an unhealthy marriage because of your children. In time, staying in a bad marriage is ultimately worse for everyone involved, and has negative effects on mental and physical health.
If you want to try to save your marriage, do take steps like going to a marriage counselor or trying discernment counseling. However, if things do not get better, take a long hard look at your daily reality. You can’t expect things to change if they are not changing with professional help.
Divorce is not the end of the world. In fact, it could be the beginning of a whole new, better life for you. You may also find a new community of friends and others who have gone through a divorce as well. You may benefit from joining an educational support group or talking with a divorce coach who can help you understand what other choices are available to you.
Since 2012, SAS for Women is entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.
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