How Do I Manage Divorce on My Own?

How Do I Manage Divorce on My Own?

In recent times, there’s been a noticeable shift toward couples choosing to handle their divorce on their own. Motivated by a plethora of online resources and tools, many are finding the path to separation more navigatable and cost-effective.

But, as with any big life decision, it’s crucial to understand the full picture. Let’s dive into the world of self-managed divorces, looking at the upsides, the potential pitfalls, and the tools that may make the journey smoother.

Empowering Yourself Through Knowledge

Navigating the legal maze of divorce can seem daunting, especially when you’re already grappling with emotional upheaval. Tools like divorce agreement templates, or online divorce platforms can be invaluable, simplifying complex processes and providing a structured approach to the separation.

Yet, empowerment comes from knowledge. By delving into the specifics of your state’s divorce laws, understanding your entitlements, and familiarizing yourself with the nuances of asset division, you’re not just preparing for the divorce proceedings but also reclaiming your agency.

Many women find solace in educating themselves, attending workshops, or even participating in online forums where they can share and learn from others.

Remember, every piece of information you gather is a step towards a more informed decision, ensuring you’re not just a participant but an active director in the process.

The Emotional Aspect of Self-Managed Divorce

The emotional landscape of a divorce is filled with peaks of anxiety, fear, and valleys of sadness. For women, especially those who’ve been primary caregivers or have sacrificed professional aspirations for family, the weight can be profound.

Feelings of guilt may arise from concerns about children or the perceived failure of the marriage. On the other hand, there might be a sense of relief, especially if the relationship was tumultuous or challenging.

The juxtaposition of fear about the future and hope for new beginnings can be overwhelming. It’s vital to remember that healing is a journey, not a destination.

Surrounding oneself with a supportive community, whether it’s friends, family, or support groups, can be invaluable. Therapeutic outlets like journaling can offer a private space to vent, reflect, and process emotions, facilitating a healthier emotional transition.

Financial Independence and Planning

The end of a marriage often heralds concerns about your financial future. For women who might have been out of the workforce or those who weren’t actively involved in financial decisions during the marriage, this can be terrifying.

Understanding where you stand financially, from assets to liabilities, is the first step. But beyond that, it’s about planning for a future where you’re at the helm. 

Financial planners, especially those specializing in post-divorce scenarios, can be invaluable. They can guide you on budgeting, help identify investment opportunities, and even assist in long-term financial goals like retirement planning.

As you transition into this new chapter, having a clear financial roadmap not only provides security but also the confidence to face the future.

What Does Going Solo in Divorce Mean?

Opting for a self-managed divorce means that couples decide to navigate the winding roads of separation a lawyer by their side.

Read “The 4 Types of Divorce and How to Know Which One’s Right for You.”

Instead of leaning on legal professionals, they use available resources and tools to guide their path. It’s a different approach compared to the traditional route where each person would have a lawyer representing them or a mediator facilitating the negotiation.

The Bright Side of Self-Managed Divorce

  • Easy on the pocket: One of the standout benefits is the money saved. Legal fees can quickly add up, and by taking charge, couples can avoid these hefty costs.
  • You set the pace: Without the constraints of attorney schedules or court dates, couples can move at a pace that suits them, making the process less daunting.
  • Keeping it private: Handling things personally means fewer people are involved, ensuring the intimate details remain between the couple.
  • You’re in the driver’s seat: Couples have a direct say in negotiations and decisions, ensuring outcomes that resonate with their wishes.

The Challenges of Going Solo

  • Legal labyrinths: Without a background in law, understanding the intricacies of divorce procedures can be a maze.
  • Room for error: Without expert guidance, there’s a chance of missing out on crucial details, which can have lasting implications.
  • Emotional rollercoaster: Divorce is an emotional journey, and managing the legal side while grappling with personal feelings can be tough.
  • Missing expert insights: While you save on fees, you also miss out on professional advice that could be pivotal in certain situations.

SAS for Women Note:  Even if you elect for a DIY divorce, we urge every woman to make sure she has at least one private legal consultation with a divorce attorney to learn her rights and entitlements BEFORE she elects for any model on “how to divorce,” or more, begins the process of splitting things up with her spouse. 

“You don’t know what you don’t know.”

Your Toolkit for a Self-Managed Divorce

Different online divorce services offer various things. Make sure you compare what you receive from one service with its competitors in the field. Here are some things to look for …

  • For example, In-house divorce agreement template offers a structured way to lay out the terms of the separation, ensuring nothing crucial gets overlooked.
  • Digital guidance: There’s a wealth of websites brimming with advice, resources, and platforms to help with the paperwork side of things.
  • Mediators to the rescue: When disagreements arise, neutral third party mediators can help find common ground, ensuring things remain amicable.
  • Financial gurus: With financial implications at play, experts can help ensure assets are divided fairly and offer advice on financial planning for life post-divorce.

Read “Smart Moves for Women: A Financial Consultation for a Divorce.”

Children and a Self-Managed Divorce

Children, while often adaptable, are sensitive to changes in their environment, especially something as significant as their parents’ divorce. Their well-being encompasses not just their physical health but also their emotional and psychological state.

As you navigate the intricacies of custody agreements and coparenting schedules, it’s essential to maintain a united front for their sake. This doesn’t mean hiding the truth, but rather presenting it in a way that they can understand and cope with.

Open communication, reassurance, and consistency are paramount. Children may have myriad questions, fears, or misconceptions. Addressing this head-on, with patience and love, can make the transition smoother for them.

Read “7 Ways to Lovingly Support Your Children Through Divorce.”

Additionally, family therapy or counseling sessions can provide a safe space for them to express their feelings, fears, and hopes, helping them adjust to the new family dynamics more healthily.

Rebuilding and Rediscovering Yourself

The end of a marriage can often feel like the closing of a significant chapter in your life. However, it’s also the beginning of a new one, filled with opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and reinvention.

As the dust settles, you might find that there are aspects of yourself, passions, or dreams that were overshadowed during the marriage. Now is the time to bring them to the forefront.

Read “46 Steps to Your Divorce Recovery: A Definition and a Guide.”

Whether it’s picking up a hobby you’ve left behind, enrolling in a course you’ve always been interested in, traveling to places you’ve dreamt of, or even making a career shift, the world is your oyster.

Surround yourself with positive influences, be it friends, support groups, or mentors, who encourage this journey of self-discovery. Embrace this period not just as a recovery from the past but as a launching pad into a future where you are the best version of yourself.

Golden Tips for a Smooth Self-Managed Divorce

Knowledge is Power

Before you even think about starting the self-managed divorce process, it’s essential to arm yourself with knowledge. Every state has its nuances when it comes to divorce laws. Some might have mandatory waiting periods, while others could have specific guidelines about asset division or child custody.

By understanding these intricacies, you’re setting yourself up for a smoother ride. Consider attending workshops, reading up online, or even joining community groups where you can learn from others’ experiences.

If you are thinking about or just beginning the divorce process, learn about Annie’s Group, our powerful group coaching program for women – only.

Organization is Key

Think of your divorce process as a project. And like any project, being organized can make a world of difference. From financial statements to property deeds, and from child custody agreements to personal letters, there’s a mountain of paperwork involved.

Create dedicated folders, either physical or digital, and label them clearly. Regularly update a checklist to ensure you’re not missing out on any critical documents. This meticulous approach not only streamlines the process but also provides clarity when emotions run high.

Check out “36 Things to Do if You are Thinking About Divorce.”

Lean on Loved Ones

Embarking on a self-managed divorce can sometimes feel like a lonely journey. But remember, you don’t have to go through the emotional rollercoaster alone. Friends and family can offer a listening ear, a comforting shoulder, or even practical advice.

Their support can be the anchor you need during turbulent times. Organize regular catch-ups, join divorce support groups, or consider therapy. Emotional well-being is as crucial as the legal aspects of divorce.

A Lawyer’s Touch

While the essence of a DIY divorce is managing things on your own, it doesn’t mean you can’t seek professional advice now and then.

Think of lawyers as consultants in this journey. Even if you’re handling 90% of the process, having a lawyer review your documents can provide peace of mind. They can spot potential pitfalls, offer suggestions, or even recommend mediation if things get tricky. It’s like having a safety net, ensuring that while you’re in charge, you’re also protected.

Wrapping Up

Choosing a self-managed divorce is a bold step, filled with both opportunities and challenges. However, it’s essential to tread with awareness and understanding.

By staying informed, organized, and open to support, couples can chart a course through the complexities of divorce and step confidently into their next life chapter.


Alice Garcia is a legal journalist who expertly reports on and explains the latest legal stories and information. Alice brings a wealth of knowledge and expertise to her reporting for LawDistrict when covering legal matters.


Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner with them through the emotional and oftentimes complicated experience of divorce. We invite you to learn what’s possible for you and your precious life. Schedule your FREE 15-minute consultation with SAS now.


*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”

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