emotional turmoil when considering divorce

Divorce Advice: How to Get Over Paralyzing Fear

In this follow up article, excerpting highlights from her interview on Progressive Radio Network, SAS Cofounder and divorce coach Kimberly Mishkin offers divorce advice to women who are thinking about the frightening steps to divorce. 

Why is Divorce So Scary?

Jack:  How do you address it when people feel fear?  You can’t say, “Get over it.” So how do you balance the fear and getting people to take action?

Kimberly: Actually, we sometimes use the acronym, “ACT.” 

A: Act

The first thing you need to do is get somebody to be your ADVISOR, a divorce coach or therapist. We recommend you use somebody who is in the professional world but if you can’t afford a coach, it could also be someone like an HR person at work or the guidance counselor at your kid’s school (–someone who has helped people through divorce issues before.)

At least in the beginning stages, it could also be your attorney who can point you to other things. But, you absolutely need an advisor. You need to talk about it out loud. You need somebody to give you feedback. You need somebody to help you think it through.

It’s just impossible to do it all in your head, all on your own.

Jack: You had an advisor?

Kimberly: I did. At first, I wasn’t telling anybody at work and it was torture. I had compartmentalized to such a degree that I was a totally different person at work than I was on the weekends.

It was exhausting and the anxiety started to come out of my pores. I was getting injuries or I was getting sick every other day. The anxiety was literally eating me up inside until I had to reach out and get some help.

You need an advisor; somebody you can trust, somebody you know is genuine; who doesn’t have a personal stake in this, somebody who can be objective.

Kimberly:  The second thing you need to do is COLLECT INFORMATION.

C: Collect Information

Start collecting information from anywhere you can. Especially in New York, there are all kinds of free workshops, free things online, pamphlets you can download, E-books. There’s a wealth of information out there.

Most people fear the unknown more than anything.

Deborah: Right.

Kimberly: So, the more you collect information and educate yourself, the more the fear will start to subside because you’ll understand what you’re looking at and what the realities are.

Kimberly: And the third thing is to TAKE STEPS.  Just take baby steps.

T: Take Steps

Start a journal; get a bank account of your own, change the locks if your spouse has moved out; call a friend and make plans for once a week.

The key is to do something different — take a tiny step, which will lead to more steps. Once you get that momentum going then you will feel the changes happening.

For more on this interview, read “Divorce Coaching: The Female Take” or listen to the complete interview here.

What is your next step?  Take hold of your fear and schedule your free, 45-minute “Map to the Next Steps” session” and walk away with a mini-action plan right now.

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