Emotions are tough to excise from a divorce. After all, being unhappy is how you got here in the first place. So, it’s not inconceivable that you would seek to learn how to divorce your husband and get everything.
Feelings, however, don’t write divorce laws or sway judges. And fuming into your divorce proceedings with a “get everything” attitude could be costly, both financially and emotionally.
It’s a natural byproduct of living in emotional warfare to want to get revenge. The hunger for validation and some kind of compensating vindication is understandable.
And nowhere is that more true than in a marriage with a narcissist.
Getting Your Fair Share When Divorcing a Narcissist
The emotional manipulation is constant. The mental twisting of gaslighting is maddening and exhausting.
And the narcissist’s mastery of playing his manipulation of you against his charming of others is isolating and even dangerous.
One of the must-knows when divorcing a narcissist is that you will not be receiving any thanks or compassion for your years of tortured commitment.
If anything, he will up his game to prey on your emotions and leave you with nothing.
All the more reason to study up on how to divorce your husband and get everything, right?
Well, not exactly.
Going into the mud with a narcissist is never going to end well for you.
He’s not going to see the error of his ways. And a court isn’t going to weigh its decision on your attempt to expose him for what he is.
Your safest and ultimately most advantageous approach is also the one that will not come naturally.
Go ahead and scream. I know you want to. And God knows that man deserves it.
But once you enter into negotiating your divorce, you have got to put on your all-business face and put emotions aside.
“But he has ruined my life!”
“He was emotionally abusive.”
“He’s lying about everything.”
“He doesn’t deserve to get anything!”
Maybe so. But divorce court isn’t marriage counseling.
Knowing how to survive a nasty divorce is less about your relationship and more about the laws governing divorce in your state.
Sounds kind of heartless, doesn’t it?
In some ways it is.
And that’s not to say that the circumstances of your marriage will have no bearing on the final terms of your divorce.
It’s really just to say that the best tip for how to divorce your husband and get everything is to keep things transactional.
That means focusing on the business side of the contract, surrounding yourself with the right experts, and being prepared.
Develop a Level-Headed Plan for Your Divorce
You should even carefully plan out the timing of declaring your desire for a divorce (assuming you are the one initiating it).
Preparation also includes collecting hard copies of all your and your husband’s financial records and assets. Everything.
It means researching the divorce laws for your state and specific area. You need to know what you are entitled to before you can fight for it.
For example, some states have communal property laws. Not only will the assets acquired during your marriage be considered mutual property, but so will your debts.
Also, alimony isn’t a given in every state, even if you have been a stay-at-home mom.
Build Your Divorce Support Team Wisely
Probably the most important part of your preparation is the assembly of your divorce team.
If you’re looking for a way to divorce your husband and get everything, you may be tempted to find the most cut-throat attorney you can.
But be forewarned. This approach could end up costing you the money you want and the peace of mind you need.
Remember that divorce attorneys aren’t working out of a spirit of philanthropy. They’re expensive, and they round up, not down.
Going in with an attitude of “I want it all!” may get you a high-five and “Let’s get the bastard!” There are plenty of attorneys who will happily match your mindset if the money is there to support it.
But organizing a solid team isn’t necessarily about hearing what you want to hear, let alone an echo of your own thoughts.
Building a solid support team is about getting sound advice and guidance in areas where you’re not an expert.
It’s about hiring people intelligent, experienced, and ethical enough to look out for your best interest.
It’s about being courageous enough to trust experts to tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
For example, a tax expert should give you not only a current view of your liabilities, but your long-term ones, as well.
Adjust Your Ideas About “Getting Everything”
You may think in the moment that it would be sweet revenge to rip your 10,000-square-foot mansion out from under your ex-to-be.
But what is that asset going to mean for you down the road? Without access to your husband’s full ongoing income, will you be able to maintain it?
Or will you be weighed under by the mortgage, property taxes, and maintenance?
Investments and retirement are other considerations. You may “want it all” today, but you may not want the future liabilities.
That’s why you want to have outstanding financial, tax, and legal representation.
And that means representation that doesn’t delude you into believing that “getting everything” is likely, let alone prudent.
Dealing with Emotions During (and After) Divorce
Now, back to those emotions I told you to disregard in the interest of treating your divorce as a transaction…
It would be unrealistic to expect you to ignore your emotions during your divorce. This is one of the most emotionally traumatizing events you can experience in life.
It’s important that you understand what divorce does to a woman. And you’re not going to get the complete picture of that in one place.
The wisdom and preparation of this time simply calls for prudence in choosing who, what, when, where, why, and how.
Use the experts on your team for their chosen expertise. And use your therapist, divorce coach and an educational divorce support group to hold you up emotionally and provide camaraderie.
Difficult as it may be to hear, planning how to divorce your husband and get everything warrants a shift in perspective.
“Everything” acquired in a state of anger or revenge will not be the “everything” that sustains you and builds a happy future.
You don’t have to forfeit anything.
And you should never forfeit your peace of mind.
SAS women are those amazing ladies you meet who are entirely committed to navigating divorce — on their own terms. If you are considering or dealing with divorce, you are invited to experience SAS for Women firsthand and schedule your FREE 15-minute consultation. Whether you work further with us or not, we’ll help you understand your next, black-and-white steps for walking into your brave unknown — with compassion and integrity.
*We support same-sex marriages. For the sake of simplicity in this article, however, we refer to your spouse as your “husband” or a “he.”