How to get through a divorce and heal

How to Get Through a Divorce and Heal: The X Factor of a Divorce Coach

The idea that a divorce coach can help you figure out how to get through a divorce and heal might surprise you.

You’re probably familiar with the more practical aspects of working with a divorce coach, for coaches are particularly good at helping you understand and navigate the black and white logistics of divorce. Often, those parts are easier for people to understand.

For example, a certified and experienced divorce coach will help you understand your options when it comes to finding the right divorce process for you and your family. The right process is critical to achieving an outcome that will allow all of you to not only survive the process in one piece but to move on, rebuild and thrive afterward.

How to get through a divorce: the nuts and bolts

After helping you understand the different ways to divorce, and which may be the right approach for you, your divorce coach will help you find the right lawyer to consult or work with. A key piece your coach will help you with is making sure you ask the right questions. You’ll appreciate having somewhere to go after speaking with a lawyer, too—as you begin the process of metabolizing what the lawyer actually said; and then, developing your strategy for moving forward.

When it comes to the financial aspects of the divorce itself and your life post-divorce, your divorce coach can play a vital role.

“It’s a sad fact that even today many women aren’t especially financially literate,” says Trisha, a divorced mother living in Manhattan with her three young boys. “We’ve allowed our spouses to control the money while we focus our attention elsewhere. When we’re on our own, it all becomes so overwhelming—like we’re starting back from square one.”

It’s because of this that your divorce coach will be invaluable in helping you understand the impact your divorce will have on your finances.

She’ll support you in making smart financial decisions that take into account your specific situation and goals. She’ll also introduce you to exceptionally qualified and reliable financial experts should you need their expertise.

“Your divorce coach will help you figure out how to make all the moving pieces of your daily life work together—a new living situation, a job, child care. Even car maintenance,” says Trisha.

In other words, throughout the confusing, frustrating, and frightening process of divorce one of the critical roles your divorce coach will fill for you is being your “thinking partner.” She will be there with you every step of the way to help ensure that you understand the nitty-gritty details of how to get through a divorce. Armed with that knowledge, you can make the best decisions possible.

But how to get through a divorce and heal? That is another proposal.

A divorce coach can help you more than you realize . . .

Your divorce coach can help you do so much more than deal with the practical nuts and bolts of how to get through a divorce. She can also help you understand the journey you’re on and the kind of healing that must take place to really recover from your divorce. This path of healing and recovery is very, very different from the logistical, legal, or financial paths that you’ll take.

Each step of your divorce journey will evoke powerful and unfamiliar emotions

These negative emotions are often volatile and messy—they live outside the tidy boxes of logistics and documents.

“There might be times you hardly recognize yourself,” says Rebecca, who runs her own photography business in Brooklyn. “A divorce coach can teach you how to release or rehabilitate those emotions in a positive, productive way instead of lashing out at your soon-to-be Ex.”

Your divorce coach will help you discover who you want to be during and after divorce

She will gently remind you of who you are and what you really want when the overwhelming emotional realities come crashing down on you. She will be your buoy during the storm. She will help you hold steady and recognize your truth along the way so that you don’t drown or wallow in negativity.

Forgiveness is another important part of the divorce journey. Unfortunately, forgiveness is also a very misunderstood act. Your divorce coach can help you realize what forgiveness really is. She can also help you decide who in your life deserves your forgiveness, so you can move on without being haunted by the past.

Experiencing and moving through grief is another part of the divorce healing journey

There are so many things to grieve when one chapter of your life ends—and it may not be grieving the absence of your Ex. Your coach can help you understand what grief is and how to identify and process each and every facet of its confusion. To free yourself from the grasp of what was and could have been, you must embrace a new future for your family and yourself.

One of the key components of healing from divorce is compassion. Ultimately, it’s what will allow you to rise above the strife of this huge life change. With that said, compassion is almost impossible to embrace on your own when you’re in the throes of turmoil.

Luckily, your divorce coach is an expert at promoting and embracing compassion. She will share her skills with you and teach you how to see your world with a compassionate perspective. This skill will serve you again and again as you face other challenges in your future. You cannot fully heal from divorce without compassion.

Because your coach will assist you in discovering who you want to be after your divorce is over, she’ll also help you identify the opportunities that are unfolding as a result of this huge life transition. Sometimes those opportunities disguise themselves as problems. But with her experience, your divorce coach will help you see what she sees as being possible for you.

A divorce coach is one of the best sources of holistic support you can have as you figure out how to get through a divorce on your own terms. She is someone who not only understands all the legal, logistical, and financial aspects of the dissolution of a marriage but will compassionately help you heal so that, moving forward healthily and wholly, you blossom in your next chapter of your precious life.

Whether you are considering a divorce or already navigating the confusing experience, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice to not do divorce alone. Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional, financial, and oft times complicated experience of Divorce. “A successful divorce requires smart steps, taken one at a time.” – SAS for Women

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